So I can't have ANYTHING anymore?

“Alcohol is in the top 3 of most toxic substances.” Friend M hasn’t drunk for a few months and has an evangelistic drive. The fit and fresh feeling is so nice that she almost dreads having a glass of wine during Christmas. If my partner wants to follow a Dry January, I give him a little book that, judging by the title, will surely offer him some support. It’s called ‘Ontwijnen’, with the subtitle: ‘Really happy alcohol-free’. He finishes it in a day and what turns out? Author Jacqueline van Lieshout is to wine what Allen Carr is to smoking. They make you realize that that cigarette or that glass of wine is only what you attribute to that glass or that cigarette. How can a substance come in handy in all conceivable situations? In sadness, celebration, arguments, coziness? It’s cozy, not because there’s wine or cigarettes involved. By the way, read this if you want to know how Adeline suddenly stopped smoking.

Good.

So I’m participating without alcohol. And wow, it’s going quite well. But how should it go on now? Are we never going to drink again? Because moderation is not my forte. I don’t want to sound like Wim Kieft, but I really need to redefine a life without wine. The past twenty years of my life, it has been quite a constant, you know. Well, we’ll see.

Wine goes on the long list of things that can no longer be done and are no longer allowed. Eating meat. I’m not a vegetarian, but due to the anti-meat lobby, I also reach for a substitute more quickly. And my vintage fur coat that I inherited from my grandmother, I actually don’t wear anymore either.

I separate my waste and regularly pick up plastic when I see it lying on the sidewalk and there’s a trash can nearby. In short, I try to be a good global citizen. Recently, friend E mentioned that she was struggling with a one-day trip to a European city. ‘Why?’ I asked her. Didn’t she have a babysitter? Was she too busy? No, the airmiles she was accumulating made her restless. For a day of flying back and forth, that was a bit much for her. And yes, there was another point of concern born. Because I find flying and traveling of unparalleled delight. Is that also no longer allowed? Or is it okay if I ‘buy it off’ by compensating for the CO2 emissions?

Flowers. All those flowers from all those people. Do you know how much energy is needed to heat those greenhouses?

When I walk through the woods with a colleague and evaluate my alcohol- and meat-free state, I look at our cheerful dog. ‘Yes, yes, yes,’ he says. ‘Do you know what is really very polluting?’ He looks very serious. ‘A dog.’ Dogs and cats are as polluting as a car. He accelerates a bit. ‘And do you know what else is polluting?’ I move my fingers towards my ears. ‘Flowers. All those flowers from all those people. Do you know how much energy is needed to heat those greenhouses or to fly them in from another country? A bouquet is equivalent to doing 18 loads of laundry at 40 degrees or watching television for 24 days.’

I can’t hear it anymore. My fingers are deep in my ears and I’m not taking them out for now.