Diary of a model

Lily spends her days as a model, rushing from shoot to show and on to yet another casting. On Amayzine, she tells you all about what her life is really like. Under a different name, of course, but that means she can share all the juicy details. This week: about how insecure Lily herself is.

As Cameron Russell mentioned in her TED talk: models are the most insecure people you will encounter. Why is that? As a model, you are constantly judged on your appearance and are therefore always aware of how you look. It's very handy when you're in front of a camera and know your good (and bad) angles, but it's hard to leave those insecurities behind in the studio. Today, I will take you through some of my personal insecurities or insecurities I've heard from colleagues.

Thighs

Thighs are a ‘weak point’ for many girls I know. Nowadays, thin thighs are generally seen as the most beautiful. Within the fashion industry, it is: the thinner and longer the legs, the better. When I was growing up, I was always that girl with the long thin legs, and I thought that was very normal. I didn't really think about it. But when I started modeling, I suddenly found myself surrounded by hundreds of girls with longer and thinner legs than mine. It's hard to admit, but that made me insecure. And especially right before my period, my self-image can change. I know I have incredibly thin, long legs, but sometimes when I look in the mirror, I find myself fat. Luckily, that's not always the case, and I'm surrounded by friends who give me a slap when I make such an unnecessary mean comment about myself.

Symmetry

‘Your left eye is a fraction larger than your right eye, especially when you're tired. Funny, right?’ This was a comment from a photographer. I had no idea that was the case, but from now on, I see every time I look at a photo of myself or look in the mirror when I'm tired that my right eye is slightly smaller. FUNNY, RIGHT? Well, I actually don't find it that funny, dude.

Moustache

Have you ever seen a super HD zoomed-in photo of yourself? Let me give you a tip: don’t. I once looked at the photographer's computer. Those tiny peach fuzz hairs that almost every girl has on her upper lip appear in the image as pitch-black thick hairs forming a moustache that Pablo Escobar would envy. From then on, I started threading the hairs on my upper lip (tip: threading is said to be better for your skin than waxing).

Blemishes

Everyone has small pimples sometimes. You are often much more aware of them than the people around you. What seems like Vesuvius to you, someone else doesn’t even notice. But for makeup artists, it’s their job to cover up the small imperfections. With razor-sharp eyes, your skin is scrutinized, and every little spot or bump is touched up with concealer. That makes perfect sense, but still, every dot feels like a little insult.

Nose

A friend of mine once heard that her nose ‘works’ best in photos when she turns her face three-quarters. The result? She now finds profile photos terrifying, so when a photographer asks her to turn her face, she does no more than three-quarters, unless the photographer insists it really needs to be in profile.

Lip cushions (yes, that's a thing)

A friend of mine once complained that the model's lips didn't match the shape of her chin. That chin was very oval, and she had those lip cushions. I had never heard of lip cushions, but apparently, they are small bulges under the corners of your lower lip. When I was staring at my own lips in the mirror, I saw them on me too. Totally sucks, of course, because that was apparently not pretty. But I didn't have to worry, because with the shape of my chin (which is more angular), that was okay again. Phew, thank goodness. Although, I still always see them.

So there you have it: everyone has their own insecurities. People who look perfect in your eyes also look in the mirror and are sometimes not completely satisfied. Except for a friend of mine. She is so kind to herself. When she looks in the mirror at, for example, her back, she says to herself (or to whoever is next to her): ‘Look now, look, what a beautiful back,’ after which she gives herself a little pat and continues with her day. It may sound very strange, but I think we should all be a little kinder to ourselves. You only have one body, and you have to live with it your whole life. So the next time you look at yourself in the mirror, give yourself a compliment out loud and a pat on the back. Because you’re worth it.

Kisses from Lily XX