If everything goes wrong...

So there I am, laughing to myself at Utrecht Central at half past midnight. Not out of joy, oh gosh, I wish it were a party like that. No, out of powerlessness, you know that feeling? Oh, laughing out of powerlessness. That's intense. That's a real bitch.

Look, I could have figured out myself that it wasn't such a great plan to be anywhere near a train on King's Night, but how was I supposed to know it would be such a terror. I just happen to play sports in Amsterdam on Friday nights and then take the train towards Utrecht. That train ride was already one to cry about (read: sardine), but once I arrived in Utrecht, it got worse. Much worse. Everywhere people are staggering. With my headphones on, I hop-skip-jump to avoid the crowd to end up at the bus platform where about one hundred and fifty drunken students are standing. Great. A quarter of an hour waiting for the bus. Headphones turned up a notch. When the bus finally stops in front of me, it turns out the check-in gate is broken. No one is allowed inside. The bus drives away again because it needs to be fixed first. New waiting time for the next bus? Thirty minutes. Ah okay, no, totally great. So we’re not doing that. So it’s going to be an Uber case. I open my phone and see one percent battery left. Are you kidding me? By the time that driver gets to me, my phone will have long since died. Okay, uh, waiting this long isn’t going to work either, so I’ll look for a taxi. Ten minutes later, I’m standing in front of a black Mercedes. ‘Can I pay by card?’ I ask out of habit as I take a seat in the back. ‘No, unfortunately,’ the driver replies. When I ask if we can drive by an ATM, I get the answer that it’s King’s Night and he doesn’t have time for that. Grumpily, I get out of the taxi to catch the next one. ‘Can I pay by card?’ No again. Also ‘No, I don’t want to stop to pay.’ Three times in a row. You know what? Then screw you all.

Like a fierce lioness, I walk back to the station hall. You know what? Fine, I’ll just wait for that damn bus and kill some time at the AH to go. I’ll grab a nice breakfast for the next morning or something. I can’t get through the OV gate for Albert Heijn. The ‘balance too low’ message. Oh, of course. The fierce lioness has now evolved into an aggressive, unhinged dragon that’s about to bite someone at any moment.

I don’t even WANT to take the TRAIN, people, I just want to buy breakfast, okay? Looking for the charging point-to-recharge-my-OV-chip-card-to-get-through-the-gate-while-I-don’t-even-need-to-take-the-train-so-I-can-buy-breakfast-to-kill-time-because-my-bus-is-broken, I eventually come across a very large drunken crowd. I see more grumpy faces. I hear someone say, ‘It’s broken.‘ At that moment, my phone dies. My music is gone. All I hear is the shouting of drunken people.

I laugh. I laugh very hard. By myself. Like a madman. At Utrecht Central. I just let the next bus pass by again and walk in search of my new home. If you want to come to the housewarming: Loserville number 13 is where you need to be.

kiki laughing on the street wearing a beige turtleneck and jeans.

If everything goes wrong… : Amayzine.com.