Kiki's diet diary

Can you imagine wanting something very much, but feeling like it's still quite ‘far away’? The desire grows stronger every day, making you slowly work towards it in your mind. Until one day comes when you think: fuck it, I'm going for it.

That day was about two weeks ago for me. (just read this). I was trying on my summer wardrobe in front of the mirror and realized that I only fit my sunglasses. HAHA. No, joking aside. I thought: really? Is this how we're going to do it? Is this how I want to look four years before my thirtieth?

The answer was no.

So – and I still can't quite believe it myself – I now work out three times a week. I got in touch with Steve Chelius from Book Your Trainer and he is now helping me to ‘bring out the best version of myself’, although I prefer ‘fakking thin’, but that's not how it works, I think. The intense part is: we work out with a heart rate monitor that we connect to an app on my phone, allowing him to see exactly whether I really can't go on, or if I'm just saying I can't. No more cheating.

My hysterical highlight of this week was definitely the sports massage from Steve, during which I heard myself utter a mix of the words ‘help’, ‘what are you doing’, ‘sadist’, and ‘hahahaOWWW’. So I thought I was just going to get a nice massage. Well, my ass. This was a kind of connective tissue terror of the worst kind.

And yes, I have been quite ashamed of my condition this week. I almost cried from the muscle pain, by the way. I was intensely surprised by how much sweat a person can apparently produce. I yelled ‘STEVE I'M GOING TO DIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MEEEE’ But mostly I laughed a lot – at the moments when I could even breathe.

The idea that you are doing well already makes you fit in your head, even if you might not look like you want to on the outside. Oh, and I actually have a sports bra, people. A sports bra. Call the newspaper. Besides, I am now eleven days quit smoking. And it's going (aside from a grumpy attack here and there) remarkably well.

And yes, yes, yes, of course the Burgundian me misses my portion of cheese, wine, and snack platter immensely. But do you know what the key to successful dieting is? Not thinking every time a cheesecake flies by at the office: I will NEVER eat this again, but: I will definitely eat this again, just not right now. And I consciously choose that, because I don't want a pancake butt, but a peach butt.

Still going strong, with my second Obese weigh-in tomorrow (yes, that's how it feels) where my fat, water, and muscle percentage will be measured and I can see what a difference two weeks of hard work can make. You understand: next Thursday a detailed report. Bye!