Kiki's Mollotenbrabbels: the final

Dear makers of Who is the Mole?, we need to talk. I. I. I... have no idea where to start. Maybe with the fact that we are being screwed. Big time. The Mole is almost impossible to unmask. Follow the money doesn't apply at all when someone hides money out of the camera's sight. How could we know? DAMN MEREL HOW THEN?! Flabbergasted I sat behind the TV. Stunned. Furious. Then came the realization. That supposedly superfanatic candidate. The M(ere)L is known. What a master deceiver.

Time to babble for the last time this season, cuties. Everything about that live finale, let’s goooooo.

1. First of all: it remains a miracle how we all cheer for those three finalists in that park as if they are a bunch of cult leaders. Goodness, the scene on the stairs is nothing compared to this.

2. Look, if we’re handing out Oscars for looks, Merel is definitely going home with the Best Dressed statue. Can we take a deep bow for that lovely tomboy suit? By the way, am I the only one who thinks Merel looks strikingly like Margriet at the finale?

3. The makeup artist of Sarah, on the other hand, deserves to be on the naughty step. Shame, what a white plaster. Let this be a lesson, people: almost everyone looks better without makeup and a party hairstyle.

4. Here comes the moment. Who. Is. The. Mole. Increased heart rate. Now Sarah is going to say it. Sarah is stepping forward. Just do it. Say it. Wait a minute. Merel. Huh. What’s happening here? Merel the Mole? WHAT?

5. Okay, where did that sweet-sappy Glennis Grace music suddenly come from? Awkward this.

6. Plane ticket to Colombia? 738 euros. Final amount Sarah is taking home? 10,150 euros. The face of Jamie (and myself by the way) when it turned out Merel was the Mole? Un-be-liev-able. GOOOOOOOO*^%# is not allowed to curse online. ^$$^*@$%.

7. “I’m just looking at darling and sweetheart. See them both shining there in the corner.” Wokeee, when Rick suddenly talks like your 58-year-old dad. Shining? Haha. Ha-ha-ha.

8. Am I the only one who cracked up at Ron Boszhard's interview technique? “Who do you suspect? Merel, unbelievable! *walks on. And who do you suspect? Yes, Sarah. How clever. Unbelievable! Are there still people here for Niels? Gosh, how nice all of this. All these lowlifes who came to VondelCS. Unbelievable. How nice, huh.”

9. I actually have quite a bit of respect for Sarah, who already realized during the Lingo car-making letter words task that despite her dyslexia, she had to keep an eye on Merel. Quite interesting how a ‘I absolutely do not suspect you so you must be the Mole’ tactic can actually work.

10. I found this finale quite dull actually. What was up with that scaffolding pipe in the grass? Why did Merel take that pin out during the ‘the wall’ task? Did she intentionally give Niels that joker or not? Did she know there were two eliminations in the envelope? Hidden clues on the site? I want to see damn sixty minutes of Mole actions. So. Many. Questions. Still.

11. Okay okay, that Jenga block on her forehead, followed by ‘Gosh, you’d almost think it’s a clue’, is actually brilliant.

Who is the Mole?, it must be said: I found you this season somewhat less spectacular than last season (hi Jan, hi Olcay), but I understand that you can’t always peak. Or as suggested on Twitter a bit less subtly: ‘If you have a fetish for slowly bleeding anticlimaxes, then this season #widm is really a huge treat for you.’

I am eternally grateful to the makers for my new spirit animal Robèrt. And Merel, well, this woman just played it damn well. Dear friends, Amolzine is becoming Amayzine again. This mole-lover is going underground again. And in January, I’ll probably pop up again to mole-ester the whole thing.

P.S.: Just being a bit vulnerable, sweethearts, give a heart below if you also didn’t feel good about this season so I don’t have to feel like a loser alone.

Crap, and now another year of waiting…