Kiki's temptation island vips babbles
Hey disaster tourist army. Gas masks on? Razor blades at the ready? Eggs prepared? Good. Because it’s fucking D-day – and no one is coming out of this war unscathed, I can tell you that. ¡Qué escándalo, this season! Qué dramacito. Yes, after binge-watching La Casa de Papiemel in a weekend, I can also speak Spanish. No biggie. Anyhow: Janktation Island has never been this serious as this year. Thirteen things we thought during episode seven.
1. Every time Fabri comes alone in front of the camera complaining with his soft voice, I can only look at that eye in his throat. Check it out. A kind of sinkhole. FUCKING scary.
2. My boy Quentin gets to see a pool photo, Rosanna has an error moment in her head and she kicks the whole place to pieces in the house, but she can play the stiff tollie game with Laetitia. Hmm, still funny.
3. Kaj: ‘Quentin, who are you taking on d…’
Quen: ‘LAETIETIETIETTIET-IA.’
Okay, that was clear.
4. If I, as a guy, were to take my girlfriend on a date, we would go mini-golfing and if she then shows up in a neon-colored bikini top with snake print arms, bike shorts, and three kilos of highlighter, then we’re not leaving that door at all, you get that. Lie, sweet girl, what is going on?
5. By the way, you can see Damian giving instructions during that mini-golf. Hoppa, slightly bent at your knees. Keep an eye on the target. CONCENTRATION, LIE. COME ON. CONCENTRATION.
6. HAHA. When you love the voice-over part 224… ‘Pommeline is sitting with her head by the campfire. Stuwey has the heavy task of calming her down…’
7. Jesus Christ, Thomas. You’re almost eye-fucking Djamiah in that canoe, with your: ‘maybe we can go to those mountains.’ Or to ‘that wet river.’ Realize: I don’t think we’ve heard this dude have one normal conversation with a seductress that wasn’t cryptic about sex.
8. Phew. The producers are really doing their best to put an end to Pommeline.
That woman is almost dying during the campfire. ‘What the fuck did I do wrong then? AAAAAH.’ And. You. Still. Have. To. Get. Your. Mouth. Shut. Yolanthe. ‘But wait, Pommeline, what does this do to you exactly?’
Seriously, people, send this girl home.
Sad man, this.
9. Tweet of the week: ‘That my grandma has to see this!’, says Yasmin. Hahaha, which grandma watches #temptationisland, well grandma goals in itself.
10. Can I please write the campfire texts for Yolanthe next time? I would start with: ‘So, little sluts. These were your images from tonight. Own fault. You can go back to the villa and I hope you can find support there. Or with the gigolos we hired, it was expensive enough. You know, as a very smart person once said: life is like a penis. Sometimes, it’s hard. Enjoy crying in the villa, and then sleep. That’s it.’
11. Yolanthe on Instagram: ‘Oh girl. I wish I could do more for you.’
Yolanthe in real life when the cameras are off to Kaj: ‘Pfff, that Belgian. My blood pressure is through the roof because of that girl. STOP with that CRYING over nothing.’
12. What did Damian actually do wrong? Okay, the guy was joking and clapping, but was he really just looking? A bit of an exaggerated reaction from Shirley.
13. And then finally. Finally. Finally. The moment we’ve all been waiting for. Channah and le bèbè are done. She tells Yo. Yo acts semi-surprised but is of course not, because he already knew. The orchestral music starts… The party is interrupted. Kaj arrives with a serious face. And the revelation itself? Well, you’ll see that next week in Goede Tijden, Slechte Tijden. DAMN. #@!@##$
P.S.: On my Insta @kikiduren now a – if I may say so myself – seriously bizarre argument between Quentin and Channah. My god, THIS IS GETTING COMPLETELY OUT OF HAND, PEOPLE HAHAAAA.
P.P.S.: Did I hear that right? Is Yasmin really saying next week: ‘Thomas, this firework is for you?’ Is she really going to hook up with that Jonah? Oh. Tempah Vips 2019 is the gift that keeps on giving.
Until.
Next.
Week.
Heart.
At the bottom.
If.
You.
Also.
Not.
Can.
Wait.
