Mum shaming
The baby of friend A has trouble sleeping. But according to friend S, that's because friend A never taught him how. She gives the baby way too much attention and now the baby has become a monster, and actually, that's just her own fault. Because yes, she doesn't leave her child alone enough, she's always carrying him around, and she should have taken him to daycare much earlier. a complete #fail as a mother. We don't mean this in a bad way, we are just very worried.
Mum shaming is nothing new. Fifteen years ago, I already wrote a piece for JAN magazine in which I shared that I was going crazy from all the criticism of my motherhood. My son was a feisty little guy in his early years, and I had my hands full trying to guide him properly. According to outsiders, I was too soft, too young, and those short skirts I wore didn't help either. The fact that my daughter always behaved impeccably and spoke in two words was never taken into account in the evaluation.
You know what it is? No mother is perfect. And children are not machines where you put in a quarter and a gumball rolls out. With a baby, you bring a complete stranger into your home. It may have your DNA, but you will have to figure out the instruction manual for each child. For some children, that goes very easily, and for some children (read my son), it takes years before you find a good modus operandi that works for everyone. By ‘for everyone,’ I also mean for yourself. Maybe it would have been better for my son if I had been more stable and had adopted a stricter parenting style. But that's not who I am. Of course, you can adjust a bit in what is comfortable and convenient for you, but you can't transform into a completely different person as a mother, especially not for eighteen years. Being a mother is not a role you play. Mother, that is who you are. Actually, you just need a bit of luck that your natural parenting style matches the character and temperament of your child.
Some children are super easy. They sleep through the night right after birth, and you can leave them in the bouncer while you drink wine with your friends. Some children, like my daughter, scream for nine months straight to the point where you want to throw them out the window, and then they turn into the cutest little toddler in the world. What I want to say is: just because your child is easy, doesn't necessarily mean you are a good mother. And if your child is difficult, that doesn't mean that either. Moreover, insights about parenting change all the time. I myself used to receive a corrective smack on my bottom regularly, nowadays we mainly want our child to be happy.
The only thing you can do is love your child. Love is nothing more than complete acceptance. Accept who your child is, try not to change them into someone they are not, and you are already well on your way. And of course, you are doing your very best, knowing that in some cases you will totally miss the mark and sometimes it turns out wonderfully well. Sometimes you are tired and grumpy, other days you are loving and patient. And that's all part of it. Children learn from that too.
plane is really going wild, it's about your fellow mothers: please be a little gentle with each other. Ask if you can do something for someone instead of judging them. Offer a listening ear instead of being ready with your advice right away. No mother has all the wisdom. We are all well-meaning amateurs.
