Reach your own Sylvie

We just had a croquette and a cupcake because, well, it's Monday and it's January, so why not. If it were up to Sylvie, we would have been on the treadmill by now to make up for it.

Sylvie Meis has just launched her own sporty app. And it's called, drumroll please: ‘Heiss mit Meis’. In other words: ‘Hot with Sylvie’. Sylvie's motto is: ‘Achieve your Sylvie’. But yes, we can't all be Sylvies, right? It's sweet of her to wish that for us as sports novices. But it's also a bit, uh, self-absorbed. Right? You have insecurity, being proud of yourself, and then you have this. Saying that so many want what you have. While, honestly, it often comes down to a lot of Photoshop. Sylvie said last week that many 25-year-olds are very jealous of her body that she has at 40. Clearly, there's no lack of self-confidence, but yes, what can we say about this, after that croquette. Exactly: nothing.

‘I think you all know my body a bit by now,’ she said last week. ‘Slim but not skinny, toned but not super dry or too muscular, feminine without being overly curvy.’ Still, she doesn't think her fans should go overboard with losing weight and getting slim. ‘I don't promote an unnatural shape or a super toned body,’ she says. ‘Not that I have anything against that, but it's not who I am.’

Anyway. Interested in Sylvie's size? If you want to get fit for a year, side by side with your favorite blonde presenter, it will cost you 200 euros. Or you can start with four months for 90 euros. But well, you have to do it all at home, right? It's all digital sports, nice and modern. But Sylvie promises you a lot. If you follow her app, it will give you ‘a tight and sexy body’.

Oh, Sylvie, we actually want everything from you, and not just your sportiness. If possible, we’d also like your pearly white straight teeth, your breasts that never sag, your collection of short glitter dresses, your collection of men and exes who could easily star in a complete Bouquet series. Your life where you always seem to float between Miami and Dubai and Germany, that time you take each year to decorate your Christmas tree, and those bizarrely few troubles you have with foot pain from your sky-high heels. And above all: you do what you feel like doing. And now you're happy with Bart and you couldn't care less what the world thinks. That he's 11 years younger. Do we find that self-confidence in your app too? Then we'll pay that 200 euros tonight on the couch, just before dessert.