So I went to The Lion King and this is what I thought

Of course I had to go. If only to be able to find something about it. If only because Beyoncé plays Nala. And so I parked my butt this weekend in a red fluffy chair. In a dark room armed with a gigantic bucket of salty popcorn. And this is what I thought.

1. Popcorn percentage during movies. Trailer block? Bucket empty for 75 percent. The film itself? 25 percent. Wrinkled lip. Salt. Meh.

2. Let’s face it: somewhere it’s a bit weird that suddenly all these Disney remakes are coming. Why not just leave our memory of iconic films as it is? When does our continuous urge to renew and perfect stop?

3. Am I going to be the only one in this room who is a little scared of a 3D glasses? I just don’t find it that chill that the entire savanna literally crawls into my eyes.

4. Oh, here we go. Feels like coming home to a warm bath. HAAAAA SJIEBETNAAAAAA MAMANIETSIEWAWAAA. My god. Is that Simba? Those whiskers. The fluffiness. Those little paws. Okay wow, I’m already sold.

5. This is not normal. This is phenomenal. What a technological marvel. Every ant, every mouse, every beetle. It feels like I’m watching a nature documentary instead of the story I’ve seen a thousand times.

6. No, no, no. I don’t want it. I DON’T WANT IT. The scene you know is coming. Childhood traumas. Choking lumps in the throat. A sobbing cinema. The death of Mufasa. More real than real. (Okay, cried three times during the movie, how is that possible?)

7. Hyenas are really ridiculously ugly beasts. And whoah, Timon & Pumbaa are also so… fake and real is just not distinguishable anymore. On the subject of modesty, just a small point, Disney: why don’t the animals have any genitals, huh? Was that just a bit too realistic?

8. Beyoncé as Nala is a hit. She has such a lovely, deep voice. A radio voice actually. On one hand, her song Spirit might have been a bit unnecessary (in fact, Disney didn’t even ‘need’ Beyoncé for the success) but on the other hand: Bey, we’re glad you’re here. And Spirit has been on repeat for four days.

9. The film is also politically less contradictory: there are no marching Nazi hyenas and there is a lot of emphasis on the fact that good leadership is about giving more than taking. Additionally, the remake is more feminist. Nala is actually the heroine who saves her group and fights in the final scene side by side with Simba against the hyenas. Nice to see that Disney is also keeping up with the times.

10. The remake of The Lion King also did bizarrely well in its opening weekend in America, by the way. According to Variety, it brought in 185 million dollars in the first three days. Katsjiiiiiing.

Is it already time to say that we are talking about the king of remakes here? Whatever you do this week: make sure you go. Really. It’s worth the hype.