The 7 things you shouldn't do when your relationship just ended

When your relationship just ended, you can dramatically lose your way. You want to do something, what am I saying, you would do anything to not feel the heartache. You won't be the first to impulsively decide to climb a mountain in Nepal or to rush into a new relationship. To spare you from even more misery, Susan Smit and I wrote in our book Hotel Hartzeer the seven rules you really need to stick to right now. Are you listening carefully?

1. Kissing (or more) with the person who has been chasing you for years or decades. Extremely bad plan. Because: you didn't ignore them for nothing. If you thought he/she was stalking you, you should really pay attention now. You gave a finger, now the person wants your whole hand. What do you care about your ex, you have him/her now anyway? It seems like an easy solution, but don't do it. There are plenty of other men and women to stick your tongue into.

2. Texting your ex or responding to social media posts while drunk. Anyway, texting your ex or responding to their posts is a bad idea, but especially don't do it when you're under the influence. Instruct friends to confiscate your phone preventively if you feel that urge while in an obvious state. Because really, and we speak from experience here, when you read your messages the next morning with a hangover, it suddenly doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore.

3. Going to the hairdresser for a drastic new hairstyle that you haven't thought through well. Or from a picture in a magazine. A bright blonde short cut doesn't suit everyone. An exception is if you were never happy with your hair but kept your hairstyle for your ex. In that case: go.

4. Getting a tattoo. You are not in a position to judge whether ‘I love myself’, ‘survivor’ or ‘luctor et emergo’ is something you want to carry with you for the rest of your life. Or something like this: undergoing plastic surgery. Maybe later, that's not our call, but definitely not now. By the way, I had an eyelid correction done when it had just been two months since it ended, so maybe I'm not the one to judge here.

5. Try not to quit smoking, eat toffees, or bite your nails right now. Just give yourself a break. This is not the time to be strong. Just be weak and give in to your bad habits for a while. When things get better later, you can always see if the time is right to break your old habits.

6. Taking too much alcohol or drugs in general. Especially no drugs that demand too much from your serotonin supply, like 4FMP, MDMA, or ecstasy. The backlash is then too severe. Moreover, drugs don't work when you feel deeply miserable. You might implode, and you definitely don't want that.

7. Meeting up with your ex's friends. You miss him or her. By meeting those friends, your ex seems just a bit closer again. Moreover, friends can surely tell you how he/she is doing, or if he/she misses you. And perhaps they can then tell how strong you were, but also sad. STOP. Don't do this. There is only one way to get over someone, and that is to quit cold turkey. So: no friends, no looking at photos, and no cycling past a house. Stay away from the ex and everything that comes with it.