The horror of the Bali belly

Goddammit. There I was. Now I must say that I would love to lie on a bed in the humid tropical thirty degrees (actually, I would), but not shivering like a reed with cold shivers all over my body, with a stomach that feels like a truck just bulldozed over it in reverse. What a mess. Literally.

After a week in Asia things went wrong. Just after we ordered our lunch at that nice little restaurant, he suddenly got a withdrawal. Sweating. Yawning. Ten minutes later, he was staring blankly ahead and poking listlessly at his burger. He kept repeating that it felt like he was getting fuller and fuller, while he couldn't get a single bite down his throat.

Three hours later, my stomach suddenly feels very full too. But really very full. As if I have devoured a seventeen-course meal, three nasi campurs, and two fucking horses. You can only lie down. Then the shivers come. The nausea. The stabbing pains in your stomach. Your stomach contents feel like a merry-go-round. The ‘why-me-why-me-‘ feeling. Lift your arm and it feels like a task, so heavy. That evening we didn't eat, and the three days that followed were hardly any better.

‘Bali belly’ doesn't cover it. That sounds cute. Almost Pokémon-cute. We're talking about typhoid fever here. A severe, nasty food poisoning of the worst kind that should only be served in hell. The strange thing is that Bali is flooded with fearless Western tourists who have no clue about the food poisoning terror. Or they do know, but still step in too naively. Including me.

The question remains what causes typhoid fever in so many people. Some say it's the local food, others blame the dirty rupiah banknotes that slip through your fingers daily. On other sites, you read that your body needs to get used to the Asian climate. All in all, I think it mainly comes down to hygiene. Under the guise of ‘look at us doing things traditionally‘, we massively flock to small warungs where the food is prepared next to an open sewer in some places. You see: in Indonesia (but also in countries like Pakistan and India), the public health service doesn't warn for nothing about food poisoning.

Should we all be afraid now and not want to go to Bali? Hell no. But I do think we should talk a bit more about it to others in the hope of not saddling our fellow humans with this serious fucked up situation. So. Here it comes.

How to prevent a Bali Belly:

• Only drink clean mineral water. Avoid ice cubes.
• If you're craving a salad: only order in quality restaurants, not at that ‘one little place on the corner’.
• Leave unpeeled fruit (apples etc.) alone.
• Steaks that are still red inside: nope.
• In general, you can eat delicious vegetarian and even vegan food in Bali, so if you want to take no risks at all, avoid all meat for a while.
• Raw food is more susceptible to attracting bacteria. I'm not saying you can't eat sushi, but pay attention to where. When in doubt, don't do it.
• Don't venture into soft serve ice cream.
• Wash your hands multiple times a day, especially after handling money.
• Otherwise, take a small bottle of disinfectant from home for your bag. Always nice.

Are the above tips all too late and are you already rolling around in bed from cramps? Shit happens. This is what you can do.

• Drink plenty of water. Mainly lukewarm/warm water.
• Get enough sleep. Don't make it difficult for yourself and cancel your day's plans, no matter how stupid: take your rest and lie down when you feel your body needs it.
• Spicy food is not smart at the moment.
• Electrolyte drinks are your best friend. You know, those drinks that athletes drink. Sodium, potassium, calcium; all sorts of things are in there that will make you feel better.
• If it really gets bad for you: ask your hotel which pharmacy they can recommend for medication. And good luck, buddy, I know how you feel. It will gradually get better. Don't let it ruin your vacation!