This is what happened in Love Island over the past two weeks

Yesss, dear Islanders. Here I am again. With a gigantic update on what has been going on and what has happened in the villa over the past two weeks. Tonight, episode 32 will be aired again, which also means that I have been watching this group for about 32 hours. That is quite confronting. But well, I am still enjoying this new guilty pleasure. The last time I wrote about Love Island the group was still mainly the OG’s. That is quite different now. If you are behind on watching, for example because you, unlike me, did NOT have 32 hours to spare for this program, I hereby give you a disclaimer: there are big spoilers coming.

The dropouts

1. Yes, our Mel had to leave the villa. Intense, intense. Especially for ‘her’ Matthy: he has jumped from Aleksandra to Snelle Mel. The viewers have voted, Mel had the fewest votes, which could have most likely been avoided if she could keep up with the rest of the Islanders a bit. In terms of speaking pace, that is. She only had half an hour to pack her bags, just enough time to spit out two full sentences to Matthy.

2. Noah was also brutally kicked out of the villa. Not entirely surprising, since he had exactly no romantic connection with anyone. And yes, that is a bit the concept of the program. However, I think that if there ever comes a friendzone version (BFF Island?), he will be invited again.

3. Big party: Chey a.k.a. Miss LA a.k.a. ‘I'm really not here for the fame’ is leaving the villa. Ouch, Chey. She has developed from a normal participant to the most hated Islander of 2019. No viewer believed from the start that you really had feelings for Stenn and you made yourself even less liked by cheating on Denzel at the last moment. They probably do it like that in LA? I wouldn't know, but I believe Chey knows a thing or two about LA... She has name-dropped it only three hundred times, so it must be true, right?

The couples

4. Let me start with the soulmates: Martin and Seba. I can't say anything negative about them (boring, I know). Maybe smartly done by the editing, but I believe in their love. And they have a lot of fun together. This couple is going to win, mark my words.

5. Geez. Oh geez, how annoying. First of all, Lotte has a new catchphrase: in the last few weeks, she finds everything ‘just’. Except for Jarne's rudeness. She finds that just, say just really not nice anymore, just. It might be entirely my fault, but that so-called rudeness really goes past me. I am fully #teamJarne, just. Secondly, Jarne (‘Jarrrrn’, according to Lotte) doesn't see the problem himself either. You're right. Just dump Lotte and I'll sign up for you. We can be rude together. In the meantime, Lotte gives the tip that if Jarne wants to be like that (and can't handle his sexual frustration well), he should have signed up for Temptation. Uh, earth to Lotte? Have you even seen the last season of that if you make these kinds of statements ?

6. Hmm, well. Denzel. What should I think of that... In principle, he is not doing anything wrong, but I understand that no one in the villa (and the viewers) trusts him. He definitely has way too white teeth, what is his secret? I can also see the playboy in him. Aleksandra remains the absolute favorite of the viewers week after week, so I think that makes him a bit scared too. You mess with Aleksandra, you mess with us. That became clear in the last episode, as the chance is 50/50 that he has to go home. Maybe he can visit Chey in LA. Chey is at least willing, although she would never admit it. Chey, 2001 called, they want the boys-teasing-kissing-asking act back.

7. Finally. There has been some ramping up in the villa. Birdy. Banged. Or as the Belgians poetically say: pooped. Stenn finally got to go inside with Rowéna, but only for eleven seconds if we are to believe her. By now they have practiced more often and are about to hit the minute mark. They are even talking about feelings. Yes guys, I don't know. Age is just a number, they say, but 19 versus 27? I bet that they won't see each other after the villa.

The newcomers

8. I find it difficult, these newcomers. You really have to come from a good house to conquer a spot in the villa (and not be sent home at the first recoupling), let alone build a bit of romance with someone. Who has already passed by? Bradley for example, and Vinnie and Miles. And then I forget a few: a number of women have already left, Teddie for example. They are just a bit all... Forgettable? We want something juicy in the villa, dear makers.

9. And that juicy thing may have entered the villa this week in the form of Cas. A real sly fox. Stirring things up between Denzel and Aleksandra, wanting to play the prince on the white horse with Lotte (which she just, really finds very sweet). Makiko is also new, but I'm afraid she will become a case like Noah. It's only a matter of time before she gets thrown out too. Hard world, that Love Island.

And in the meantime, we are seeing crazy challenges. Just last night, when the couples had to decorate a cake blindfolded. Yes, it was a madhouse there in Gran Canaria, you know. We also see that Chey absolutely does not accept that anyone even thinks that she could be dumped. Nobody dumps Miss LA. And boredom is creeping in here and there, which I can understand. 24 hours a day in such a villa, you can't go anywhere. Now it also states in the rules that participants may drink a maximum of two drinks per day. Yes, you read that right: not two bottles, not two liters, but really... Two drinks. It also seems to be the case that they have to go to bed before midnight. Uh, what? When you read those rules, it sounds more like a middle school camp than an RTL program.

What can we expect in the coming weeks? Who knows, we might actually see the presenters Viktor and Holly on screen, who are occasionally flown in for a minute and a half in the villa. RTL is not worried about their ecological footprint, that is for sure. Those charter flights keep taxiing those two back and forth. And who knows, maybe Seba will go for it and we'll find out if the fear of Martin's penis is justified, because it seems to be quite a hefty size. Maybe Lotte will finally put an end to her and Jarne. Who knows, I might get to come into the villa to steal Jarne away. And will Denzel go home? Is Matthy arranging bed partner number 6? Is DJ Matthy going to throw another party there? And then Rowéna and Stenn, will they make it to the minute? So little time, so much to do.

Until the next update, Islanders.