We need to talk about the phenomenon of ‘dick pic’
You have them in all shapes and sizes. In an upright position or slumped down. Close-up or far away. Still life or in action. Light, dark, pink, white. With flash or without flash. A ‘good morning’ or a ‘good night’. Of course cropped or uncropped. Eager or hard-to-get (don't confuse the second with hard-to-get-hard or want-to-get-hard, those are different things). And, perhaps most importantly: solicited or unsolicited. I'm of course talking about the dick pic, a phenomenon that most of us have probably encountered at least once in 2019.
And it's actually a topic that I often have mixed feelings about. Look, I understand that if you like each other or are in a relationship, you might want to send each other some risky photos. That, when it might eventually end, these photos can be misused, I don't need to tell you that. But men. Dear men. Please stop putting your genitals on my screen without asking.
Because I really don't get that. Look, you can do a lot of fun things with it, don't get me wrong, but I'm certainly not the only one who doesn't find a penis the most beautiful creation in the world. You can do beautiful things with it, again, don't get me wrong, but are there seriously people who really find it beautiful? Come on, really. So beautiful that you'd prefer to receive it with a superzoom while you're unsuspectingly having coffee? I've sat with friends when my phone rang and I got, without warning, without signs, no introduction or anything, a little penis (let's be honest) on my screen. Friends in shock, because hello, it's three o'clock in the afternoon, do you always have these kinds of conversations? Well no, but that's the thing with those unsolicited dick pics; men don't wait for your permission, they just send it. I would love to talk to a man who genuinely gets incredibly, unbearably turned on by that. That a bunch of six girls are disgustedly looking at your half-flaccid penis. Nice, right?.
On to issue number 2, an extension of the unsolicited dick pic. What's up with that – literally – flaccid stuff? Somewhere I can understand that you want to show your masculinity and let your prey see how excited you are about them. But... A flaccid penis? Yeah sorry, I can't make it sound any classier. That's a bit of an insult and unpleasantness in one, right? Because what exactly do you want to show? Not that you supposedly have so much desire for me (or in general), because the thought of me clearly doesn't bring any movement down there. And then it actually becomes a sad sight. So men. Again, dear men. If you're going for that unsolicited dick pic (bonus tip: better just not do it), then definitely don't send something flaccid. I really wouldn't know what kind of response you expect from that. Although I hardly have any response to a photo of a penis anyway. By the way, it sounds a lot classier in French.
Ending on a positive note, because not everything is unsolicited and flaccid. Yes, we also have the solicited dick pic. If you find someone nice or attractive, a sexy little photo is quite welcome. A big plus is that these often come with an announcement. And these are absolutely not shared with friends. So men, be warned: I can tell you with 1001% certainty that those unsolicited dick pics have passed through the entire friend group many times. Men who take it more seriously and send their photo a bit more thoughtfully: you're safe. Are you in doubt? Remember the Golden Rule: Never. Show. Your. Face.
