ASMR, the miracle cure for sleep problems?

I sleep poorly. Always have. ‘What can't you do then?’ is a question I often get. Well... Everything. Everything doesn't work with sleeping. Falling asleep? Doesn't work. Staying asleep? No way, after two hours I'm awake again and continue with my ceiling duty. Totally sucks of course. I've used sleeping pills for a long time but due to the susceptibility to addiction, I've stopped (with even more insomnia as withdrawal symptoms). Melatonin doesn't really do its job either. CBD pills do help me relax, but sleeping... Not at all. I continued my quest for the miracle cure.

And then I stumbled upon ASMR. Or the solution to sleep problems, according to the Almighty, All-Knowing Internet. ASMR, or Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. That's hard for me to explain so I'll stick to ASMR: a feeling, a kind of tingling that supposedly starts at the back of your head and spreads through your neck to your back. People find this incredibly relaxing and soothing, so much so that sleeping goes incredibly smoothly. We're going to try that.

Off to YouTube, because ASMR is characterized by whispering, the crackling of objects, soft activities (hair cutting, drawing, that kinetic sand that looks so satisfying), and you can find all of that on YouTube. I settle down on the bench, horizontal position, bring it on: I'm ready for that power nap.

The video ‘ASMR For People Who Haven’t Gotten Tingles’ appeals to me because yes, I've never had those tingles. It lasts over 24 minutes and I feel like I have to watch it all, so here I go.

First impression? What. Is. This. THAT WHISPERING. How can people find this relaxing? I have to honestly say that I don't particularly enjoy whispering people, especially not when they articulate extra like this man on YouTube. As if he has liters of saliva in his mouth. And then all the sounds around it. Rubbing hands (please put some cream on because this sounds so dry). Nails on a lamp (the HORROR). Squeezing a slimy stress ball... Ironically, that makes me extremely stressed. Pressing all the buttons of a PlayStation controller like a madman, which also stresses me out. I couldn't finish the 24 minutes.

And afterwards, I immediately took a shower because I felt quite dirty from it. Is that a known effect after ASMR? It should feel like a ‘braingasm’, which some people can experience. So I'm definitely not one of those, I've figured that out. So now my question to you is: what on earth is relaxing about this? I honestly don't get it. And this is going to keep me awake at night, the question of why people listen to this for pleasure. I can still handle that.