Aye aye captain: cruise rules for dummies

For three days now, that theme tune from Pirates of the Caribbean has been stuck in my head. You know, that little tune. Tudu-dum-dum, tudu-dumdum, tudu-dum-dum, tudu-dumdum. Just a small sidenote: while I type this, I'm staring at the sunset from my balcony cabin. Yes, it's my first time on a cruise ship. Present at the baptism of the Italian Costa Smeralda. The fourth largest cruise ship in the world. The second ship to sail on sustainable LNG – and yes: that's quite a thing. A thing that Penélope Cruz was here yesterday AS A SURPRISE(!) at the ship's baptism and smashed the famous champagne bottle against the bow. You understand: I can die peacefully and I'm now even more in love with P. (sounds much cooler) than I already was. 

Taking a cruise has been on my bucket list for a long time. It seems wonderful to see a lot in a short time, without having to lug around your suitcase all the time. This morning we arrived in the port of Marseille, tomorrow morning we will arrive in Barcelona. That's the coolest thing about a cruise; in a short time you see a ton. At night you sail through (you don't feel anything) and the next morning you look out the window and suddenly you're in another city. This is my third day on the Costa Smeralda and I must say, it's quite a culture, cruising. You have to learn to understand it, such a sailing holiday. Yes, I was a cruise virgin, but now deflowered and therefore for all the non-cruisers among us: this is what you want to know when you go on a sailing holiday for the first time.

Whatever you do, don't say ‘boat’
No no, you shouldn't underestimate her. A little boat sails in the canals, a ship sails at sea. We're talking about a floating city here. We're talking about a place with swimming pools, multiple restaurants, theaters, cinemas, a basketball court, a spa, shops, you name it. 

Besides: a ship is always a ‘she’
Isn't it nice? Ships are feminine. Yes. ‘She’ is fast. ‘She’ is beautiful.

Make sure you always have your card with you
I didn't know this either, but upon boarding you get a kind of universal card with which you do everything during the trip. It's both the room key card for your cabin and your debit card. Everything you want to eat/drink you do with your card, so you don't need your wallet anymore and that's quite relaxing – and deceptive.

Now about your cabin
In general, you can choose between 3 cabins. An inside, outside, or balcony cabin. The difference is simply no window, a window, or a balcony. Which one suits you best depends first on your budget, but also on how much time you spend in the room. I have a balcony and I must say: I really think it's worth it. Just to see the sunrise. Whoah.

Keep in mind sea days
There are days when you don't dock in a port, but sail on. Keep in mind that you can't disembark then. There is generally enough entertainment on board so trust me: you won't get bored, but especially if you're going on a cruise for the first time, I would choose such a small week to see if cruising is your thing. Before you immediately book 3 weeks.

A ship has no floors, but a deck
Deck 6, deck 7, deck 8, etc. And what I've realized after three days: the elevators go up and down continuously. We have six thousand people on board. Sometimes you wait a bit longer, which brings me to the next point...

Forget the elevator, just take the stairs
It's ten times faster and then you immediately get a good booty workout. Besides: every evening when I put on those damn heels again, I regretted it after five minutes. Traveling on a cruise ship = walking all day from A to B. It's nice to dress up a bit more in the evening but really: comfortable shoes = key. 

Data roaming while you sail, no no you don't want that
I don't know how those Americans managed it, but apparently they own the WiFi at sea and ask bizarre prices from that monopoly position. Think: 40 euros for 5 MB. Whatever you do: buy a WiFi card as soon as you board and don't mess around with your MBs because trust me: it's going to cost you hundreds of euros. 

Choose your spot on the ship
If you get seasick easily: a cabin in the middle of the ship on a low deck is your spot. And if you're a bad sleeper, also check in advance if the disco isn't above your cabin. That would be unfortunate...

Make sure you're ALWAYS back on board on time
Seriously, set an alarm on your phone the moment you dock and want to go into the city. A ship with thousands of passengers is really not going to wait for latecomers. Ship gone = tough luck. 

And above all: have fun, okay
Going on a cruise is definitely an unforgettable experience the first time. You see several cities in a short time and there's plenty to do on board as well. Traveling with Costa Cruises? I say go for it. 

P.S. just so you know. Port side = the left side of the ship and starboard = right. Bye bye.

P.P.S. I stopped looking after three days, that heart diamond necklace from the Titanic is REALLY nowhere to be found. Well hidden Rose, well done. Tsss.