The Postcard Killings is officially the worst movie I have ever seen

I'll say it right away: maybe I wasn't having my day. Although, then my brother-in-law wasn't having his day either. And neither was my sister. So no, okay, I can say it: whatever you spend your money on in this life: let it not be The Postcard Killings.

Yes, the film based on the bestselling novel of the same name by James Patterson and Liza Marklund. Starring Jeffrey Dean Morgan (The Walking Dead) and local talent Famke Janssen (X-Men). Promises quite a lot of good, you would think. 

Picture this. We have movie night with the three of us. Just not talking, just getting sucked into a story. I would be willing to pay for that if it's a good story. That would be The Postcard Killings. The trailer doesn't lie. 

In the story, you follow detective Morgan whose life is turned upside down when his daughter and son-in-law are brutally murdered in London. And by brutal, I mean, absurdly brutal. Their naked bodies are intertwined like a kind of artwork and their blood is completely ‘drained’. Of course, there follows a manhunt for the perpetrator, and along the way, Morgan discovers that his daughter's death is connected to a series of other strange murders in other cities. Hmmm. 

We thought: this is going to be a heavy one. Fathers moving the world for their daughters, I would cry just at the thought. Now I did cry, but for a different reason. The whole story just wasn't it. The buildup is way too drawn out, we could predict everything from A to Z and halfway through, my sister fell asleep and I got the giggles. 

But my brother-in-law and I are soldiers, so we pushed through. ‘How much longer is it?’, I hear myself ask him. At that moment, I know we are really watching a bad movie. ‘Twenty more minutes’, he laughs. I remain hopeful. Maybe we just needed to get into it. Maybe we will still encounter a sick plot twist. Maybe that one person you think is related to that other person isn't after all and something really bizarre will happen soon and then...

END?
WHAT?
NOOOOOO.
NOOOOOOOOO.
NOOOOOOOOOOO.

If you do decide to go to the movies for the first time again, be warned. I'm telling you.