Kiki's Expedition Robinson Brabbels: Holland vs Belgium

Honestly, that Videoland version of Expedition Robinson is ON, MAN. No pussies this season, no one gives up on their own, the game is played ten times harder and even friends lovingly stab each other in the back. This is what we call a tactical game on a deserted island. Is it a shame that the comeback cat with nine lives has to make way? Sigh... Nellieville. The day you knew was coming. DAMN. Quick time to babble.

1. Imagine, right, that you're just a little fucking aggressive. And you could strangle everyone.

• And then you find yourself facing Herman.
• He observes you. Squints his little eyes behind those glasses, clears his throat and then says very shyly: ‘You're reacting a bit primitively. That's how you do it.’
• Then you just stick a cassava root up Herman's ass at night, right?

2. Koen the impulsive hothead: ‘I told it to onion, to onion, to ONION, AGAINST ONION!!! Me on the couch at home: ‘Against onion?’ Dafaque? HAHAAAA.

3. Ugh, it's always those people with the backbone of a sea cucumber who slip through everything, right? Take Kevin. He'll just be in the final, you know. Whoppa. No threat. No tactical game. Just nice and obedient. Meanwhile. So. Slow. Talking. Like. A. Sloth. Seriously, when I'm stoned I talk like Kevin. #GAAP.

4. Meanwhile, just laughing at a shot. How does Thomas lie there like a dried-up starfish with his legs wide on the shore?!

5. The high treason on Winner Island does Jorik so good that it's scary. Damn man, this guy. You'd want him as your favorite neighbor. Your big brother. The sweet father of your children. BUT THE WORLD IS A LIE.

6. If you think about it... Actually, Herman has it pretty chill. Not chasing anyone. Not getting involved anywhere, just munching on some sea urchins. Living day by day and seeing what happens. Gandhi would bow to his inner zen. Top expedition.

7. Could it be that this year again players who are currently not speaking much will go extremely far? Anouk, I’m looking at you, girl...

8. Huh wtf, what is Kamikaze Koen doing now??? All his extra votes on Nelleke????

9. If you get drafted into the army with Koen as your partner: run like hell. Don't come back. Burn all your yellow clothes at home. And do it quickly.

10. The tweet that says it all: ‘Koen really has something weird with Nelleke. Exactly that he hates her because she's beautiful, strong, and independent and he has a primitive brain that can't comprehend that women who are so emancipated are not witches who belong on the pyre.’

Nooooo Nellieville. There is a time for coming and going, girlfriend. I would have granted you those extra lives, but too bad: you were too strong, woman... Boohoo.

P.S.: Follow me on Insta at @kikiduren for more Robinson shizzle. (And check Stories, moehaha).
P.P.S.: Next week: Kevin gets a diva bitchfight with Herman?! Omg omg, hahaaaa.