Most read: ‘My ex is blackmailing me with nude photos’

Because you probably haven't been able to read everything due to quarantine, lockdowns, and press conferences: this is one of our top scorers of the year. Grab the wine, truffle cheese, and your blanket, and enjoy reading back. Or cookies and chocolate, that’s fine too, of course.

Sanne (27) had a relationship with Thijmen (28) for four years. They knew each other from their studies and fell head over heels in love. Together they were on a pink cloud, until they decided to move in together...

‘I saw Thijmen sitting in a lecture and thought right away: what a nice guy. I tried to make a bit of eye contact with him, but with about three hundred people in a large hall, the chance that he would see me was not very big. That didn’t happen either. After spotting him a few more times, I decided to take the plunge and sit in the chair next to him. We started talking and yes: there was a spark. It was our last lecture of the week, so afterwards we went for a beer at the pub nearby.

I was over the moon: I thought he was such a nice guy. We hadn’t kissed during that first drink yet, but we had exchanged numbers. Fortunately, that first kiss followed not long after, and from then on we were actually inseparable. We studied together, had many of the same classes, and on weekends we were only together. Luckily, it clicked very well between our friends too. Thijmen and I could easily light up the pubs together every weekend. We both loved going out. On Sundays, we would lie motionless on the couch together and watch endless reruns of Friends. In the evenings, we ordered pizza and went to bed early. It became a steady routine.

Our friends also thought we were a very cute couple, something I was so happy about. I hated it when a couple was overly clingy or only wanted to do things together. I had experienced that before with friends: once they suddenly had a boyfriend, you never saw them again. Fortunately, Thijmen hated that too, so besides having quality time together, we also spent a lot of time with our friends. ‘You guys are really the ideal couple,’ my friends often said a bit jealously. And yes, we were. I thought so too.

So when we decided to move in together after three years, it sounded very logical. We had both graduated, both had jobs, and were ready for something more serious. After three months of searching, we found the ideal apartment, with even an extra bedroom (‘baby room for later’ I often joked) and a large living room. We were over the moon.

But living together turned out to be a lot tougher than I thought... And especially much more intense. I noticed that Thijmen became more restless. He constantly said he was afraid we were becoming too bourgeois. If we stayed home three nights during the week, he would get cranky. ‘Come on, San, we’re not eighty, let’s go to the pub.’ The fact that I wasn’t exactly jumping to go out for drinks on a Tuesday night and show up at work hungover on Wednesday, he really didn’t understand. We started having irritations about this more and more often, and more often he would just go out by himself. As a side job during his studies, he had always worked in a pub and still had many friends there. So he didn’t mind going there alone; there was always some fun to be found.

He started going out more often, both during the week and on weekends. Meanwhile, I quickly got promoted at my job, where I was really enjoying myself. I noticed that I was spending more time with my colleagues and that I found my relationship with Thijmen had become superficial. It was only about having fun, being around people, drinking a beer or a glass of wine everywhere. I felt a bit like he was escaping his responsibilities because things weren’t going super well at work either. I just let it all go for a while because finding a new house wasn’t easy either, and with my new position, I already had enough on my plate.

But then, about two months ago, Thijmen wanted to talk. On a Sunday afternoon, when he was hungover and I wasn’t. He had something to confess, I could tell right away. After some pressing, the big word came out: he had cheated. Not once, not twice or three times, no, really very often. With different girls. That had started when we moved in together.

I have always said: cheating is a no-go for me. And I still felt that way then. I immediately broke up with him, packed my things, and went to my parents. That break-up was actually very businesslike for me: I sent him a text message that I would still pay the rent for one month due to the notice period and then blocked everything from him.

But then I recently received an email and a message from an unknown number with an attachment of me: a nude photo that I had sent to Thijmen. I was shocked and immediately blocked that number and email address. But now friends are also coming to me: Thijmen has contacted them and said that if I don’t talk to him and give us another chance, he will leak all the photos he has of me. He has even created an Instagram account for it, which currently has nothing on it.

Our relationship lasted four years, during which I fully trusted him. I guess he has almost a hundred photos of me without clothes, and he now wants to throw them all out there. I unblocked his number and begged him not to do it, but he is unyielding. Either I give him another chance, which in his eyes means that I stay over at his place, or he puts everything online.

In this unusual time, we asked people for their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Sanne and Thijmen have been changed.