Real life: I suddenly get into an argument with my ‘racist’ friends
Iris (26) has been sleeping restlessly in recent days. She is angry about all the injustice in the world and increasingly feels that she wants to do ‘something’ to support the Black Lives Matter movement, but finds no support from her friends at all. On the contrary, she is getting into more and more arguments.
“If a conversation is hard, it’s probably the one worth having, you would think. But I really hung up yesterday with a strange feeling after a heated discussion with a good friend. I know he has been throwing ginger nuts around schools as Black Pete for over fifteen years. He loves the December month; it’s really something he lives for. But in the light of the whole racism issue, I wanted to ask him – as openly as possible – how he can still enjoy something that causes so much pain to many people.
‘Here,’ he began his answer. ‘So many people in pain? The majority of the Dutch still see Sinterklaas as a tradition. It’s maybe a thousand people protesting from that KO Black Pete movement versus millions of Dutch people who have no problem with Black Pete at all.’ ‘But sweetheart,’ I tried to say calmly. ‘Have you ever delved into colonial history? Then you might understand better why people are so angry.’
His answer surprised me. He had certainly looked it up. He called slavery ‘terrible’. ‘But that’s just how it was back then.’ He still didn’t understand what his specific costume party in December had to do with racism. ‘The only reason I paint my face black is so my neighbor girl doesn’t recognize me. Does that make me a racist right away? I’m honestly a bit fed up with it, Iris. The Netherlands is a country that has always adapted.’ I hear his voice rising. ‘You know, I’m also TIRED of being continuously called a ‘racist’. For me, everyone is equal. I am not a racist at all.’
I hear him talking about the crying children during the arrival, who are afraid of the angry protesters. And that he has to be present earlier every year to be thoroughly briefed. Did I actually know that during the arrival, more and more Black Petes are walking around in bulletproof vests for their own safety? ‘It’s no longer fun, Iris. The more hate I feel from others and the more I am almost pushed into the corner of being a racist, the more I might actually become one. I’m done with it.’
When I started talking about white privilege, I lost him. Just like my colleagues, who seem more irritated than interested when I give tips about documentaries they really should watch to understand ‘the problem’. And suddenly I realize that I have been living in a white bubble all this time. But I am also the only one who has moved to Amsterdam. I increasingly notice: in my old hometown, there is much more talk about ‘us, them, and they’. My surroundings react annoyed because changes towards equality feel like they are being disadvantaged. And that is white privilege in a nutshell.
But I also realize somewhere: I have been given all the chances and opportunities to form a different opinion. Traveling gives me energy and my friends come from all corners of the world. And yet, it seems that due to the demonstrations and the extra ‘white homework’ I have done, it feels like I have seen the light, however airy that sounds. I now feel more than ever where the pain lies. The people around me don’t seem ready for this yet. My brother-in-law made such a strange racist remark the other week that I even got angry at my sister and wondered how she could love such a person. I want to do good, and because of that, I increasingly feel a distance growing between me and my loved ones. I find it quite difficult. If only I could make them see what I see.”
In this unusual time, we asked people for their honest story. To avoid hurting others, Iris's name has been changed.
