Real life: ‘I'm faking my burnout’

Josephine has been working at a large multinational for a year and a half now, but since May she has been at home with a burnout. Almost no one knows that this burnout is not entirely genuine.

‘The reason I took this job is that I thought it would look good on my CV and because the work atmosphere was very nice. It's a company located on a gigantic office complex, where the Friday afternoon drinks have become quite notorious over the years. Everyone always dresses neatly for work and the whole ‘work hard, play hard’ seems to have been invented there. I was very curious about that world, so I was really looking forward to starting.'.

The salary wasn't great, but according to my manager, I had control over that: I could earn bonuses and could potentially make up to 10,000 a month. Of course, that sounded so attractive, but in practice, almost no one actually succeeded in this. But well, I really enjoyed the work at first and was warmly welcomed. And on weekends, we often went out together as well. During the week, working until eight was more the rule than the exception, and we ordered food to the office together.

The meager salary started to bother me a bit. The rent for my apartment isn't particularly high, but living in this city is just expensive. You could also feel those Friday afternoon drinks in your wallet, and the rest of the weekend was often a party too. Every month, I barely made ends meet with my money, but a nice vacation far away was definitely not in the cards. I could get over it because I really liked my colleagues and the atmosphere at work.

But then came corona, and we all had to work from home. I managed that for a month and a half, and it made me really miserable. Because I have to make a lot of calls for my work, I couldn't really sit in a café, so I was working from home five days a week. Only then did I realize that I really didn't like my job at all: it was only the colleagues and the extras that made it bearable.

Burnouts are quite common among us, partly due to the high workload, bonuses, and long working hours. And honestly, I was really struggling too. But I have known for a long time that I was just very sad because I found my job so stupid. I went to the doctor who advised me not to work for at least two weeks. Those weeks turned into a month, and now it's October, and I'm still at home.

In the meantime, I have also had several conversations with the company doctor, who fortunately takes me very seriously. I don't have to fake anything there: just the thought of having to go back to work makes me very unhappy, and I can spontaneously start crying about it. He also didn't think it was a good plan for me to go back to work, but he does want me to seek professional help.

And I actually just don't have the money for that. I now earn only 70 percent and prefer to spend my meager salary on things that make me happy. And besides, I don't think a psychologist could really help me. I don't have mental health issues, and I know very well that my burnout would be solved if I had a nice job. I actually don't mind working, but I do mind this job.

Of course, I have considered just quitting, but I don't think I would quickly find another nice job in this time. So that's why I'm just sticking it out here for a while. I have worked incredibly hard for this company for almost a year, and they have enough money there, so I don't really feel guilty about my meager salary. I hope they eventually propose to terminate my contract and that I get a few months’ pay. That's the only way I would go back to work now.'

In this unusual time, we asked people to share their honest story. To avoid hurting others, Josephine's name has been changed.