‘I think my in-laws are hell’

Simone (26) has been in a relationship with Bas (28) for three years now. His parents live abroad, so by the first meeting, they had already been together for half a year. But in hindsight, she would have preferred never to have met them. 

‘Bas’ parents were abroad for work, which naturally came up. They worked in Asia, in Kuala Lumpur, so he didn't visit them very often either. However, he had a very good relationship with them, and it wasn't forever that they would stay there. I actually found it quite relaxing at the beginning of our relationship: not immediately having the pressure of meeting your in-laws.

Not that I ran away from it, mind you. Our relationship was actually good from the start. We met each other through Tinder. I never thought I would meet a nice guy there, let alone someone with whom I would have a serious relationship. But from the first date, it was a hit: we quickly saw each other three or four times a week, and within a month, we made it ‘official’.

Bas told me that he had a very good relationship with his parents, even though they had been living abroad for a number of years. During the time we were in a relationship, he visited them twice, and he did ask if I wanted to go along, but I thought it was still a bit too early. Besides, it seemed quite intense to be stuck with my in-laws for two weeks right away when I had never seen them before. A dinner when they were in the Netherlands seemed like a better starting point.

Well, and that starting point came... And it was terrible. They are such unpleasant people with outdated views. They turn out to be very racist, and they don't hide it. One misplaced joke after another passed by. When I introduced myself, his father even remarked that he was glad I was Dutch. I was completely in shock; for a moment, I thought I didn't understand him correctly. What kind of people are these? And then they dismissed it as a joke after seeing my shocked face. ‘No, just kidding of course!’

The rest of the evening was filled with pleas for Wilders, boasting about money, and zero interest in me. Apparently, they live there in Kuala Lumpur like royalty. Especially his father, because his mother gets cut off by him with every word. I think I only managed to say five sentences. When we went home, I lied that I had to work out early in the morning and therefore wanted to sleep at home.

After that, I saw them two more times, the last time just before the intelligent lockdown in a restaurant. We were there in honor of Bas’ father's birthday. I was really embarrassed. They were so rude to the staff, returning the same dish — which I also had and which was perfectly fine — twice, yelling at everything and everyone, and as the cherry on top, not giving a tip.

I think they are terrible people whom I would actually prefer never to see again. But of course, that's not possible. And now I'm also doubting Bas. He is so nice, and I am completely crazy about him, but does he also have a hidden side where he resembles his parents much more? I know that I have a relationship with him and not with my in-laws, but I will still have to deal with them if I continue this relationship. And I really prefer to never see them again.’

In this unusual time, we asked people for their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Simone and Bas have been changed.