Real life: ‘I slept with my fiancé's brother’

Emma (27) was proposed to by Wouter (31) last summer, something that took her quite by surprise at the time. She said yes, but she is not 100 percent behind that decision. Especially not because Wouter does not know that she spent a night with his brother Justin (28).

‘Wouter and I are four years apart, which doesn't sound like much, but sometimes it feels that way. Maybe that's also because Wouter is a lot more serious about life than I am. He is incredibly ambitious, something I found very attractive about him, and that does mean he is ready for a settled life much earlier.

In that regard, I am the complete opposite. Not that I'm not ambitious, but I am a long-term student with a significant student debt that has mainly gone towards nights out. And I still really enjoy that, a terrace here, a party there... Wouter still joins sometimes, but that is becoming less frequent.

We met four years ago on a terrace in Amsterdam. It was incredibly busy, but my best friend and I really wanted to sit down. The only option was to share a long picnic table with two other guys: Wouter and his brother Justin. They were fine with us joining, and the conversation flowed easily. Since Justin was more my age and the more extroverted of the two, I actually saw him as the more appealing option. But Wouter was sitting next to me and was clearly interested in me. My friend got along really well with Justin, so the division was quickly made.

The four of us closed down the terrace and had just a bit too much to drink. It was such a fun, spontaneous evening, and I didn't hesitate when Wouter asked if I would go home with him. My friend and Justin had left together a while before, so it had definitely been a successful spontaneous double date. I thought it would just be a one-night stand, so I was quite surprised when Wouter not only asked for my number the next morning but also sent me a message that afternoon.

And so it happened that we started dating. I was still studying at the time, and Wouter had just finished his medical studies: he wanted to specialize as a cardiologist and was very driven in that. We didn't really talk much about my studies or his work: we mainly did fun things and enjoyed each other's company. Before I knew it, we were together day and night and decided to move in together after a year.

Last summer, we were on vacation in Bali, eating with a sunset... And suddenly he was on one knee. At first, I could only laugh: he couldn't be serious, could he? But when he took out the ring, I knew it was serious. I actually didn't experience much of his whole speech to me; I was in such shock. Stammering, I said ‘yes’ after a moment of silence and burst into tears. Wouter did the same, thinking I was crying out of happiness. I wasn't. I was crying out of my enormous guilt.

I had the feeling that we had grown a bit apart before our vacation. And, very stupidly, instead of talking to Wouter about it, I started to escape it. I was hardly home, always out with my friends. Wouter noticed, of course, but he never made a fuss about it. One of those evenings, I ran into Justin at the bar. My friends went home around eleven because it was a weekday, but Justin and I stayed.

Then he suddenly kissed me, right in the bar. I was shocked and initially pushed him away. What if people saw us? That was my first instinct. Not even that I didn't want it. I don't even know now if I genuinely wanted it at that moment or if it was mainly the alcohol influencing my feelings... Anyway, I ended up going home with him.

The next morning, I felt terrible. First of all, because I had a massive hangover, but also because I hadn't come home and Wouter was really worried. To make matters worse, I woke up naked in bed with his brother. Justin felt pretty guilty too, but he was a bit easier about it than I was. ‘We'll just not tell anyone, and no one will find out.’

That's what I had resolved to do. I never told anyone. But when Wouter proposed to me, everything suddenly felt so real. I said yes, we are now engaged, but do I really want to share the rest of my life with someone for whom I keep such a big secret? I feel like such a deceiver. I can't really talk to Justin about it; he has been avoiding me since we got engaged and doesn't want to talk to me one-on-one. I know I have gotten myself into a mess, and I don't really see a way out. Wouter thinks everything is perfectly fine between us and is kinder than ever to me. And I am in a constant struggle with myself about what to do: be honest or suppress it for the rest of my life?’

In this unusual time, we asked people for their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Emma, Wouter, and Justin have been changed.