Real life: ‘I went to a sex party for the first time and found it really scary’

Lise (28) has been in a relationship with Evan (39) for three quarters of a year. She is having the most experimental sex she has ever had. Her curious self said ‘yes’ when he suggested going to a swingers club once. But once inside, she realizes that this is five steps too far for her...

‘I never quite understand people who won't even try food but immediately shout that they find something ‘disgusting’. How can you know if something is your thing or not if you've never tried it? That's always been my mindset. The same goes for sex. When I ended my relationship with Jesper after 5.5 years, I was afraid I would greatly miss our good sex. Until I met Evan and realized that ‘good and nice’ is just a concept. Good and nice sounds great. Sometimes you also want fantastic, wild, and boundary-pushing. Well, that's Evan and more.

He is eleven years older, and that experience is noticeable under the sheets. Quite quickly, he asked me if he could tie me up during sex. From the tough girl, I turned into a you-can-do-anything-with-me person. It was the hottest sex ever. One evening, while tipsy in his apartment, rolling on the floor, he suddenly asked me. ‘Lies, what would you think of the idea of a swinger's club?’ Wow. I didn't see that coming. I mean: we had kinky sex, but this was a whole different ball game.

In an attempt not to show my feelings (and somewhere it also seemed quite exciting to me), I said yes. I mean: what can happen? You are not forced to do things with others there, and Evan also told me that he didn't necessarily have a need for that. We would go to a club in Germany, just to get a feel for the idea.

So said, so done. And then I was inside. Staring at the biggest freak show I have ever experienced. The club consists of several basements and pools where people are having sex, massaging each other, and swimming naked. The entire basement is decorated in a sort of yoga zen style with strange art of genitals and group orgies of deer on the walls. People in fetish clothing pass by. I see a man with a horse mask and a woman being led around the room on a chain. My god. I feel my heart in my throat and move a little closer to Evan. In a corner, I see a woman giving a man a blowjob, and after two minutes in a dark room, I just feel dizzy from the grossness. Everyone is all over each other, having sex in public, and wherever you look, things are happening. I tried to focus mainly on the beautiful building, but the freaks and the grossness are flying around my ears, and I immediately feel that this is not my thing at all. Especially ‘the wankers’ (totally self-absorbed men walking completely naked and wanking through the halls) make me want to leave.

The problem is: Evan seems to be having a good time and is effortlessly chatting with others. On the way home, we argue in the car. I realize that I have gone ten steps too far for my feeling. Evan has done this more often and says that I went in with a closed attitude and that I need to open up more. But to be honest: just the thought of going to a sex club again makes me feel sick. I don't even dare to tell my friends what we did out of shame. Now I just need to reset my brain. What a bizarre, bizarre freak show.”

In this unusual time, we asked people for their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Lise and Evan have been changed.