Real life: “I am back with my ex but my friends must not know”

‘So I'm back with Jasper. Jasper is a long and complicated chapter in my life. He is married. I know, terrible story. If you had told me a year ago that I would have an affair with a married man, I would have laughed at you. Or I would have gotten angry. Because that doesn't fit the righteous image I had of myself. But anyway. It has happened.

The only comfort I have is that his wife knows. We even met once with the three of us to set the rules. He sleeps at my place once a week and we can see each other again for lunch or dinner. We haven't agreed on calling or texting, because we do that every day anyway. I believe his wife is seeing other men too, but I actually don't want to ask about that. I find it all messy enough.

My friends ask me every day what I should do with him. ‘He’s taking your best years,’ said my best friend, and she’s actually right about that. While everyone around me is building something, I’m giving myself to someone who is not exactly the man you want to marry and build with. Because what I also forgot to mention is that Jasper has cheated on me too. Two women were not enough for him. I have no idea about growing old with him and no hope that he will change for me. He’s a hungry type, I’ll just say.

But you know what it is? I’d rather be a little with him than completely alone. The sex is divine, because yes, if you only have one night a week at your disposal, you go all out. We seize the moment together, make cocktails, play music, dance through my room, have deep conversations, and very long, good sex.

Man, how I cried when he cheated on me. At that time, I still thought there would be a future for us. My friends were my amazing safety net. I spent evenings on their couch and we talked for hours about what an awful cheater he was. Without them, I really wouldn’t have made it, I’m sure of that. We drank liters of wine, smeared kilos of chocolate on our hips. All for the good cause: healing my heart.

But then there was that message. ‘Hi,’ it said. Nothing more. I replied with a ‘hi’. And now we’re back to square one. Him with me. With the difference that his wife doesn’t know now (she might have been relieved that it was over) and that I don’t dare to tell my friends. So I come up with cowardly excuses on Wednesday nights (because that’s when he comes to me) to avoid going to the gym and I frantically hide all evidence of his presence as if I were a professional criminal. A leftover sock, shirt, or toothbrush (things I used to be proud of because hey, he was a part of my life) I now remove like a criminal from the crime scene.

I can’t imagine a life without Jasper, but now I’m not only the mistress (which I find awful to be), I’m also unfaithful to my friends. My life has become an awful split, all because of a man.’

In this unusual time, we asked people for their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names have been changed.