Real life: ‘I've been having an affair with my married boss for a year and a half’

Marieke (24) worked part-time in a café in the city where she studies. From the moment she started working there, studying became a low priority: it was way too fun and her boss was really nice. But also very married…

‘Ricardo and I clicked immediately. On a sunny Saturday afternoon, I was having coffee on the terrace with a friend while we talked about me looking for a new part-time job. Until then, I had worked two days in an office where I was terribly bored, so I had quit. Without having anything new lined up — not very smart, and so I was looking for something I could start quickly. Preferably tomorrow. ‘Why don’t you ask if they are looking for someone in the service here? You really like this place, right?’ my friend suggested. That wasn’t such a crazy idea, so I gathered my courage and stepped inside.

I asked the attractive man behind the bar if they needed anyone. Okay, he might have been a bit older than me — I guessed he was in his late thirties, but I was immediately impressed by him. And I was lucky, he said, because he was the owner so I could immediately have a chat with him about a part-time job. Half an hour later, I was back outside, with a job and butterflies in my stomach. But I had also clearly spotted his wedding ring, so I decided it would remain an innocent crush.

And it did, for three months. We had an incredible connection, had the greatest fun together, and we were increasingly scheduled to work together. Coincidence, I thought at first, but secretly I hoped it wasn’t. He made the schedules, so did he prefer to work with me? It also happened more and more that we had the closing shift together. On weekends, but also during the week. Normally, you would do such a weekday closing shift alone. I didn’t dare to think it, because I didn’t want anything to come of it. He was married and that couldn’t happen, I didn’t want to be that girl. But in the meantime, it was getting more and more fun between us and increasingly friendly.

I found out the feelings were mutual one Wednesday evening. As the last two, we were cleaning up and had also had quite a few drinks together. We were pretty tipsy, and we bumped into each other just a bit too often and touched each other just a bit too frequently and for too long. Out of nowhere, Ricardo pulled me towards him and started kissing me passionately. One thing led to another… And from then on, it was actually at least once a week. Did I feel guilty towards his wife? The terrible thing is that I really didn’t. I didn’t know her and that made it easier for me to brush it off.

I have been working there for a year and a half now and the reason the affair is currently on hold is because of the coronavirus. And that has also given me the space and time to think about what I am doing. Because what am I doing? This has no future, in fact, I don’t want that at all. I am not in love with Ricardo and it’s mainly about the excitement and lust for me. That I am ruining a marriage with this, I only realize now. I am not proud of this at all, and I have always kept it to myself. A week ago, I confided in my best friend, who had seen it coming. She gave me a good talking-to and that’s exactly what I needed.

When the hospitality industry is allowed to reopen, I plan to quit my job. Ricardo texts me a lot now, saying he misses me and maybe wants to give us a chance. I’m afraid I’ve really given him the impression that I have romantic feelings, while for me it was more of an exciting adventure. I held up a mirror to myself and that wasn’t pleasant. But I need to stop this.’

In this unusual time, we asked people to share their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Ricardo and Marieke have been changed.