Real Life: ‘My boyfriend doesn't know he has chlamydia’

Josephine (26) has been in a relationship with Menno (27) for two years. A really nice, honest relationship – at least that's what he thinks. Josephine has had a slip-up and now carries a little souvenir from it...

‘I have felt so hypocritical these past two months. I always had the loudest voice when it came to cheating. I really thought it was unacceptable; if you cheated, your relationship was immediately over, period. My friends even called me a moral knight about this because I considered kissing a huge no-go. If Menno ever kissed someone else, I would kick him out, I would shout when we talked about it. That it wasn't Menno who went wrong, but me, I really hadn't thought.

But that's exactly what happened. And how cliché: with a colleague at work. My first ‘grown-up job’ at a large company in the Zuidas in Amsterdam. Menno warned me beforehand that those companies are known for being quite intense. Intense in terms of the many hours you work, but also intense in terms of drinks and bonds with your colleagues. I thought it would all be fine, I said. I was mainly very eager to start and found it quite exciting. I felt incredibly grown-up the first day I stepped into that gigantic building.

But it was definitely intense. When I think back to the first months I worked there, I can hardly remember really being at home. I was only working, and on Fridays, there was always drinking. Because I felt like I was with my colleagues day and night, I quickly started to see them as my really good friends, which caused me to neglect my actual friends quite a bit.

Martijn was also part of that regular group of colleagues. He was hired at the same time as me, which created a kind of bond: we jumped into the deep end together at this company. Therefore, we could also brainstorm, consult, and complain about the long working hours well together. But we were especially good at drinking together. I didn't even find him really attractive. We just had a nice click, and it was nice to have a buddy, but he knew I had a boyfriend, and I didn't see him that way.

That's why I was quite taken aback when he kissed me after a drinking session that got out of hand on Friday. And of course, I should have pushed him away, but I didn't. It's no excuse, but at that time, things weren't going so well between Menno and me either. He didn't understand that I was so busy with work and also spending my free time with my colleagues. He felt neglected. Completely justified, I see that now... But back then, I actually thought he was being a bit dramatic.

And so I kissed back. Every week it became a bit of a routine, a bit of intense kissing after drinks. Until Menno went away for a weekend with friends, and Martijn stayed over at my place for two nights. A weekend in which we had a lot of sex, ordered food, didn't go out, and also had conversations. He knew it couldn't become anything, but still, it felt familiar: I liked Martijn, of course, and apparently, there was also a real sexual attraction. The fact that the sex itself was also very nice and exciting made it harder to resist.

But afterwards, I felt so guilty. I decided to cut things off with Martijn; I really didn't want to lose Menno... Confessing was not an option for me: Menno would find me incredibly hypocritical and dump me, which I completely understand. I told myself it was a one-time weekend. I had very nice, and especially exciting, memories of it, but I had to pretend it hadn't happened. For hours, I scrubbed my house, washed the sheets and duvet covers three times to make sure Martijn's scent was gone. I wanted to erase all traces. I kept telling myself it just hadn't happened, as long as it didn't happen again and I wouldn't tell anyone.

And that actually went fine: until four weeks ago. Martijn stopped me in the hallway at work; he had to tell me something. Chlamydia. And the chance was very high that he had given it to me. I was desperate; I called in sick and went home. When I finally got to the GGD, a few days later, I also received my verdict: chlamydia.

That Menno has it too is almost beyond doubt. But how am I ever going to tell him? Then he will know that I cheated. Meanwhile, things are better between him and me than ever, but I know this is a ticking time bomb. I have to tell him, and then I will lose him forever.’

In this unusual time, we asked people to share their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Josephine, Menno, and Martijn have been changed.