Real life: my friends are having children and I am so jealous

Sharissa (27) lives in Utrecht, but comes from a small village in the area. She knows many of her friends from this village: most of them have already moved back there after graduating. Sharissa still lives there, is single, and sees all her former friends starting families.

‘Because I grew up in a pretty small village, there were only two primary schools to choose from. The sense of community was very high in the village, but I never found that annoying. On the contrary. I feel like I was allowed to do much more with my friends back then, like staying out late, that kind of thing — because we were all together and everyone knew each other, including everyone’s parents. A kind of social control.

The friends I made in primary school are still my very best friends. With a group of eight, we have been friends for over twenty years now. Some I have known since group one, some a bit later, but we all attended the same primary school. Very special, such a close friendship between eight girls that has always remained very tight.

We didn’t all go to the same high school and not all of us went on to study. Five of us did, in Utrecht, where we lived together in a cozy student house. Three stayed behind in the village and soon moved in with their boyfriend. Meanwhile, I enjoyed my single life, went out a lot, and studied little. Still, I managed to get my bachelor’s degree in three years (I still sometimes wonder how that happened) and found a nice job in Utrecht fairly quickly.

But now, five years later, I am the only one still living in the city. My very best friend Tamara has also returned to our roots and lives in a family home with her boyfriend. The reason? She is pregnant. I am really happy for her, but it does sting a bit. Of the eight girls, I am the only one left single, and Tamara is now the fifth to be pregnant.

I know it’s selfish, but I often feel quite lonely because of it. When Simone, the very first of our group, announced she was pregnant, I was really happy. She had been in a steady relationship for seven years, was always the most responsible one in our group, and it was to be expected. Her son is now three, and three other kids have also joined our entire friend group. And now Tamara…

She is now almost due, and it increasingly affects me that I am the only single one left. Of course, I enjoyed that a lot when I was studying, but back then Tamara was still single too. We dated a bit… But she met her current boyfriend and I was left behind. Of course, I have a nice job, a rental apartment for myself in the center of Utrecht, but beyond that? I have no one waiting for me when I come home, and what I once found a blessing, I now find increasingly lonely.

I also notice that my friendships are changing because of this. I am the only one still living in the city, and ‘the mothers’ are increasingly meeting up with each other and not with me. They assume I can’t or don’t want to, while I actually feel very excluded. I was so afraid that this would happen with Tamara too, and unfortunately, it has proven to be the case so far: she calls me less and I hardly see her anymore. But in the meantime, she is getting closer with the rest.

And I am becoming increasingly aware of the fact that I am alone. Of course, I am only 27, so it could all still be ahead of me, but sometimes I really doubt that. Especially because I feel like my very best friends are dropping me like a hot potato. And somewhere I also long for that little life: the house, the tree, the pet. Did I handle it wrong and should I have given some guys a more serious chance? Because now I have nothing. And my best friends have each other with their common love for their children. Of course, I wish them all the happiness, but to be honest, I have never felt so alone in my life.’

In this unusual time, we asked people to share their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Sharissa and Tamara have been changed.