Real life: ‘because of corona I know that I have no friends’

Romee lives with five housemates in a student house. She also experiences the consequences of corona: fewer outings, online classes, and no busy social agenda anymore. But through the crisis, she discovered something else: she has no friends.

‘In this time, I am so glad that I live with housemates. I am now aware of that. Pre-corona, I could sometimes dismiss them, because living with five girls is quite a chicken coop. Not very ideal if you bring a fling home and he wakes up to all that clucking, and of course immediately gets a full inspection.

In those kinds of situations, it wasn't always ideal, no, but now I am so happy with them. My parents live an hour away by train, so I don't see them that often. I try to travel by train as little as possible, and my parents avoid the big cities because they fall into the risk group. I don't have any brothers or sisters. Fortunately, my parents and I do call each other every day, so I talk to them enough.

But since corona, I feel very lonely. I didn't actually expect that: I always used to be busy. With studying, socializing, exercising, always on the go... But since we've mainly been at home, I hardly see or speak to anyone. I've realized that my circle of real friends is actually so small. Almost non-existent even. That's very painful. I do consider one friend from high school as a good friend, but she lives in Amsterdam and I live in Utrecht. So we don't see each other that often, and besides, she has a very socially busy life in Amsterdam, with many other friends that I don't know.

Through my gym, I know some people and it's always very nice, but they aren't really friends. I used to do a lot of crossfit until I got a shoulder injury, now I haven't been able to exercise for half a year. Before that, we often went out to eat together, or just had a coffee after working out. But it quickly turned out that out of sight, out of mind, because after my injury, I hardly heard from anyone.

After my study groups, I often went out for drinks with fellow students, something I always found very enjoyable. Only now do I realize that they probably found me enjoyable too, but that I just never quite belonged. Of course, I noticed that they never invited me when they went to someone's house for dinner, that I wasn't necessarily invited to house parties unless I happened to be there when it was discussed. The contact always had to come from my side, but I never minded that much. Or I never really noticed it, until now. I also hear little from them. At first, I tried to maintain that contact, but it became such one-way traffic that it didn't really give me positive energy either.

It's so strange, because I was always busy and on the go. That it was only with superficial contacts is very painful for me to realize now. I could have invested better in a few real friendships, rather than this. Now I mainly sit with my housemates, who logically are also home a lot. Fortunately, I really get along well with them, but whether that can really develop into a close friendship, I don't know either. That wasn't really the case before corona, so maybe it's a matter of lack of better at this moment.

I've never really had this feeling of loneliness and I don't really know how to deal with it. I don't dare to discuss it with my parents, they would just worry and I don't want to put that on them right now. But the feeling of having a best friend that you can call with your problems or just to chat, I would give anything for that right now.’

In this unusual time, we asked people for their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the name of Romee has been changed.