So I wanted to be digital-nomad-cool too and went out to eat alone

The classic ingredients for a great night out to dinner, you say? Easy. Good food, a table that feels chill, and nice company. But what if you leave out that nice company? Do you then have a crappy evening? Do you feel awkward? Or is it actually pretty chill to go out to eat alone? I had no clue. Until now. Because at this moment, I'm typing this in a restaurant.

Yeah no, it's serious. Seriously-serious. Of course, I had to prove with my big mouth that I could do this ‘just fine’ and now I feel a bit uncomfortable. And because it gets complicated, I grabbed my phone. Even though that wasn't the plan. I wouldn't go on my phone. The Dalai Lama in me wants to be chill with the whole situation, but Kiki Panic is also out to dinner and she mainly feels pitying glances poking her in the back.

Is it because I think people are looking at me? Oh, that poor child has no friends? Is she sitting alone? Did her date not show up? When the waiter walks by and asks if I want another glass of bubbles, I nod. Make it five, I want to whisper.

First, a few good sips. There, attempt two.

I focus on the nice interior. I see people talking. Laughing. Where would that cool lamp come from? I continuously hear myself talking in my head. Quite funny actually, having to keep words ‘in’ you because you can't share them with anyone. Especially for a word-spewing diarrhea-sharer like me. Next to me sits a sort of George Clooney lookalike. Sharp suit. Good face. Three-day stubble. Opposite him sits a blonde woman in a super tight polka dot dress playing with her hair and as far as the looks being served: that dessert will be enjoyed in the hotel room. Preferably yesterday than today.

I look out the window. Another minute gone by. Is this how lonely elderly people spend their days? Should I have brought a book? Is it weird to read a book while sitting at a table? As if I could even read a letter in this cozy noise of chatting people. Do people ever pretend to read a book to give themselves a posture?

Opposite me sits a group of twelve. The woman at the head is the donkey of the restaurant. You know, the type that can't help it but sucks in a large amount of air when she laughs. That air has to come out again. The result is a sort of braying. The ie-aa-ie-aah. Everyone in the restaurant looks up when that sound is made. With donkeys, you usually only go out to eat once. I would love to be in the donkey's group right now. I even bray along in solidarity.

Thank god, here comes the food. It's the minutes in between that take some getting used to, but when you eat, a table for one suddenly becomes no problem at all. I do realize that I can't tell anyone that this appetizer with langoustine is heavenly. I have to process it with myself. Remi solo. Because my party is solonaise. The subsequent main course with pike perch, eel, and apple is so finger-licking monkey-terribly good that I am completely zen, happy, and relaxed. Or it's the champagne yayyy that is starting to do its job. Could be. The shoulders are loosening up. I'm less aware of my surroundings. Actually quite nice, eating out alone.

George and polka dot are having a good time. Under the table, their feet seem to be discovering each other already. I think I've landed in a bad movie. Should I annoy them and pull them out of their horny bubble by starting a conversation about finances? The non-giver in me grins.

I'm at dessert. The apple with five spices and cinnamon. The waiter asks if I want a matching wine with it. I ask what kind of wine that is. He says: ‘A very smooth dessert wine.’ I don't like dessert wine. ‘Yeah, go ahead, nice,’ I hear myself say. My inner rebel pops up. Do I come across even sadder if I leave this restaurant drunk?

Five minutes later. I haven't said anything. The dessert wine surprises me. In fact, it's the best dessert wine I've ever tasted. Going out to eat solo is actually pretty okay. As long as you can see the humor in things. And your food is really good. And you get drunk. HAHA.

P.S.: Tips on how to best go out to eat alone I'll throw your way later. Because it's really fun to test this if you've never done it before. Keep an eye on the site today. You dirty rebel.