The article that everyone wants to read: this is why your girlfriend can be annoying sometimes

One week she flits through life cheerfully, the next week steam comes out of her ears if you even talk to The Dragon. Then she jumps on you cheerfully again, the other week she looks sternly out of her eyes and you keep having continuous arguments. Over. Stupid. Little. Things.

Girls who like girls don't need any explanation, but men do. How is it possible that women can have so many different moods? Why do they sometimes make things so DIFFICULT for no reason? It's quite simple: your girlfriend/wife/colleague has four seasons. Every month she goes through a transformation. At the beginning, she feels like Beyoncé, and by the end, like Chucky the killer doll. She doesn't do it herself, in fact, she has little influence over it. It's a kind of chemical process. Everything is built up and broken down. The hormones are flying around and taking turns.

One moment she feels happy, then extremely inspired to do everything, then a bit frisky, then tired again, or the phase you need to watch out for the most: yep – the Chucky. You might find it annoying, that's okay. I get it. But smart people don't let themselves be surprised, especially not by a recurring phenomenon. So today it's time to explain how the female cycle works in simple terms. Really dive into those hormone antics of that uterus and the moods that come with it. Understand the game = guaranteed less headache.

Phase 1: She's on her period
Nah, revelation one: this is not the end of a cycle, but the beginning. The egg is not fertilized and the body is cleaning everything up to start a ‘new month’.

How does she feel in this phase?
Her energy level can be low. Irritability is lurking. The body is busy cleaning everything up and that takes energy. She's at the beginning of something new and can feel vulnerable because of that. Some women feel hungrier and suddenly have cravings, others have little desire for social contact during this period. The craving for chocolate, sugar, and salty snacks can be stronger due to a lack of energy. Going to bed on time is smart. If you give her some space, everything will be back to normal next week. No biggie.

Phase 2: ‘Because I’m happyyyyyy’
Sunshine, she’s here, you can take a break! Yes, I could have called it the ‘follicular phase‘ (the real name), but that sounds way too complicated, who understands that word anyway? We all understand happy. At the moment, there is a ’ripe' egg in full glory waiting to be fertilized in the body. And yes, you can notice it in her. 

How does she feel in this phase?
Energetic. Strong. Happy. Positive thinking comes easily to your girl during this period. There is more calm in her head and she is hardly irritable because her body is full of happy pre-hormones and life is just way too pleasant for any fuss at the moment. 

Phase 3: ‘Hi honey, I’m horny’
Well, that's pretty clear language, right? Everyone understands. But it might also be interesting to know why she is horny. She is now at her most fertile peak (you know, that egg). The hormone estrogen is going through the roof and that causes butterflies down under. If you have plans to make babies: now’s your time. That egg is only fertile for 24 hours...

How does she feel in this phase?
Aside from the horniness, this is generally a chill phase for everyone. She can express herself better in words, art, or emotionally during this period. She is more in touch with her feelings. She is more caring and sweet to you than usual. Relaxed. Everything is good. 

Phase 4: Chucky wants to kill you painfully and slowly
Okay, a bit exaggerated. Maybe not. This is the last phase just before her menstruation. Her egg is not fertilized and if that doesn't happen, it becomes exhausted and shriveled. No wonder she is hard to enjoy. 

How does she feel in this phase?
Emotional. Suddenly feeling down and ‘not knowing why’. Little desire to do anything. She might cry at a random commercial on TV and feel that she is not comfortable in her skin. No, this has nothing to do with you, these are hormones too. She might suddenly start cleaning like a madwoman because she has a need for clarity and peace. Avoid discussions as much as possible now. Chucky will eat you up. Chucky makes things six times bigger than they are right now. Chucky shouts first and thinks later. Be aware of this and especially don't get involved. Chucky the dragon needs to feel relaxed and should not make big decisions or have important conversations right now. Chucky shouldn't go shopping now because she makes impulsive purchases to feel better. Keep her at home. Put her in a bath with a cup of tea. Chucky is extra sensitive to coffee during this period. Pay a little attention and take good care of her during this time. Then Chucky can prepare in peace for the upcoming menstruation.

So. Finished reading? Applause for you. (And, pssst, Mister S, be strategically a bit nicer to me at the right moments and it will be a party all month long. Trust me.)

P.P.S.: Girls, be smart, send this article to your guy who still has a lot to learn.

P.P.S.: Girls who like girls: lucky you, because you already understand this cycle stuff. Or, um, double trouble, because two cycles are now overlapping. DOUBLE TROUBLE CHUCKY, HAHAHA.