The Paris of Renee Koudstaal
Renée Koudstaal recently launched her book ‘Live like a Parisian, even if you're completely Dutch’ and she couldn't have hit the nail on the head more closely, because in times of corona it's important to bring our favorite city as close as possible and to celebrate and find our inner Parisian.
Renée, you've written a book about it so you're officially an expert. What is your relationship with Paris?
‘I grew up in the Netherlands and left for Paris for a year when I was eighteen. That turned into twenty. And now I commute between Amsterdam and Paris. Paris is my ‘chez moi’, my home.’
Is there really a Parisian living in us down-to-earth Dutch people?
‘I think the Parisian embodies the opposite of the Dutch like no other. Except that she also needs oxygen, food, and drink, the Parisiennes are different in every way. And that difference is exactly what the down-to-earth Calvinist Dutch person dreams of. Drinking wine during the day, not just living for your children, openly flirting with a stranger, shamelessly enjoying a calorie-rich pastry, reserving a table for one and being an expert in red lipstick but also in the works of Proust, just to name a few examples.’
I am intensely jealous because you have the best of both: you live in Amsterdam with your husband and children and occasionally escape to Paris to write and be there. How DO you do that? HOW?
‘If I've learned one thing from Paris, it's to put yourself first, but also to really make the most of every second of life, while in the Netherlands it’s about making choices and prioritizing, the Parisiennes refuse to choose. Pourquoi choisir, je veux tout. Going to the movies, dining out, working, taking care of my children, being alone, a weekend away with my husband, reading books… And I refuse to choose between Amsterdam and Paris. Amsterdam with my family, Paris to work and for myself. This is my ideal mix. In Paris, it’s completely normal for a woman to really lead her own life, it is supported by the childcare system, the spouses, the environment. There is no judgment or social pressure. And certainly no ‘just act normal, then you’re already crazy enough’. My husband understands me and despite all this, he married me a few weeks ago.’
You ended up in Paris at eighteen, and knowing a bit about Paris and Parisians, that wasn't exactly a warm bath, I imagine. What did you encounter in that first period?
‘In my case, it actually felt like a warm bath. Like coming home. There is French blood in my family, maybe I was unconsciously searching for my roots. I never recognized myself in the people around me in the Netherlands, always had that feeling of: my time and place will come. Indeed, it’s not all that jovial in Paris as it is in the Netherlands, but I love that anonymity and reserve. I love friendships that grow slowly. Stews that only taste good after hours of simmering, clothes that only get more beautiful with the years. I seek intensity and authenticity. And that is often a matter of patience. And perseverance.’
What is the biggest misconception about Parisians? Or did I already hit one above, in your opinion?
‘We sometimes reason too much from our own norms and values when we want to understand another culture. And then it quickly becomes a bit judgmental. I have embraced French culture and society as a whole, from a deep respect. And thus also left all the Dutch in me in the Netherlands. Yes, that coldness of the Parisian, that’s something I often hear and often contradict. Parisians wait and see, that’s true, but once they’ve made the leap, you have friends for life. They first want to know who you are, but then also who you really are. And you don’t know that after a few beers in the pub. With my friends, I am welcome day and night. You can always join last minute, alone or with someone you just bring along. They are there for me, wherever I am. So even though I had to work a bit for it, I got a family full of lovely interesting Parisians in return.’
What can we learn from the Parisienne?
‘That strong drive for mental, physical, and financial independence that she not only embodies but also realizes. Half of the women in the Netherlands with a partner and child(ren) are not financially independent. I find that shocking, in such a modern country as this. Then the Simone de Beauvoir really comes out in me. I stand for independence, and that starts with making the right choices. Every choice is fine as long as you really make it from yourself, without social or moral pressure. Dare to ask yourself questions and be honest. What is the impact on your career of part-time work while the children are still young? How fairly are the roles divided in your family? How much time do you invest in yourself?’
Who are your favorite Parisiennes?
‘I’m not really into iconic examples. That always creates a bit of frustration and frustration is not very Parisian. But I love my friends dearly, most of whom live in Paris so they are all Parisians, each in her own way. They also play the leading role in my book and not Ines de la Fressange or Caroline de Maigret. I secretly find my Parisiennes much more fun, my Parisiennes next door.’
And what are Dutch women who resemble Parisiennes?
‘The richness of Parisiennes is that they can be both superficial and deep. Celine reminds them of both a renowned French author and a beautiful designer handbag. With friends, we can talk about red lipstick, but then also about literature or politics. I miss that in the Netherlands, I just don’t encounter this mix often. It’s so much more than just a certain look.’
Do you remember your first time in Paris? Has it changed over the years?
‘My first time in Paris was probably during my high school years. We went to the Eiffel Tower. Of course. So I didn’t see the real Paris then. Looking back over the past twenty years, I find Paris visually unchanged. Perhaps this city is indeed the best example of timelessness. Yes, even the Eiffel Tower, despite some grumbling when it was built, remains something that even Parisians share photos of on Instagram, even though they see it every day. It doesn’t change, stays beautiful, and never gets boring. Timeless.’
If time, company, everything could be freely filled in and even dead people could be resurrected, with whom and how would you fill your day in Paris?
‘It weighs heavily on me not being able to go home during corona, so honestly, I would even want to go to Paris for a day with my worst enemy now. I would drag them along all day. To have breakfast at Hôtel Le Royal Monceau, to be the first of the day to enter the Palais Galliera to see the Coco Chanel exhibition, to stop by my favorite bookstore Rue de Bretagne and then to have lunch at the Marché des Enfants Rouges. On the way home, we would stop by the market for a fresh piece of cod (with butter-lemon sauce) for tonight, and then relax on the couch with magazines and my cup of Lapsang Souchong tea. To start cooking while my friends trickle in and then have chaotic dinners for hours, enjoying the connecting realization that we are indeed in the most beautiful city in the world.’
On days like this when we can't go to Paris, how do you bring the French feeling to Amsterdam?
‘In that respect, my book came out at just the right time, because this French feeling can be created wherever you are. Invest in a home fragrance (Trudon, Diptyque…), play French music (I have created the perfect playlist on Spotify for this: renee-k), take all the time to cook with few but good ingredients (cookbook recommendation: The Bible of French Cuisine by Alain Caron), stop planning everything, occasionally arrive fashionably late, turn your bathroom into a cozy paradise and enjoy a nice bath with a good glass of wine (and lock the door), read Le Deuxième Sexe by Simone de Beauvoir (or another book you choose at the French bookstore Le Temps Retrouvé on the Keizersgracht), buy the most delicious dishes at the French épicerie Auberge Jean & Marie… Well, I could go on for hours.’
Where do you prefer to sleep, eat and shop?
‘I prefer to sleep at home in Paris, but I can often be found in a hotel. That’s where Parisiennes often meet. For coffee, lunch, tea, or a cocktail. I prefer to eat at friends’ houses, with the ultimate pleasure being the improvised dinner. French style, casually whipped up in no time. The mayonnaise is whipped, that good bottle of wine was just waiting for a good occasion, and then the pâté we bought at the market à la campagne this weekend, and who’s going to buy a baguette?’
Shopping is an absolute crime for me. I know what I need in terms of clothing and where to find it, so shopping never takes long, except when I have to choose a book.’
Are you team underground, taxi, bike or the old-fashioned pram?
‘Well, cycling is just not my thing. So I ride around Amsterdam in a Biro, much to the annoyance of my bakfiets friends. In Paris, I actually walk everywhere or take the metro. The bus is of course very nice, but I often have too much to do for that.’
And what can they learn from us?
‘To put the obsession with the Parisienne into perspective, I asked my friends what they would like to learn from the Dutch woman. It became quite a list, including that nonchalant bun that can be achieved in seconds while cycling with children and groceries at the traffic light in the rain. Furthermore, having more time and patience with the children, being more in touch with nature… It’s clearly a case of greener grass on the other side.’
Are you a left banker or a right banker?
‘Absolutely a right bank woman. With my PR agency, I worked for years for media and politics, which is generally more rive droite than rive gauche. I lived twenty years just meters from the Elysée, and now in the 16th, near the Eiffel Tower, but then again on the Trocadéro side, so the right bank.’
What are Parisian women you like to lavish yourself on?
‘They are not celebrities, but the Parisians I meet in my daily life in Paris or anywhere in the world. There’s something magnetic: we recognize each other immediately. A way of dressing, walking, talking, laughing… And then there’s often a very brief glance of recognition and a kind of unspoken bond.’
Most beautiful square in Paris:
‘La Place du Marché Sainte Catherine, beautifully hidden in the Marais. This is where I started my first company Les Films du Marché.’
Once have une tasse de thé with… in Paris:
‘Simone de Beauvoir, I want to learn so much from her. And then I think I’d prefer a glass of wine.’
Favourite restaurant:
‘I don’t want to choose here either, every week I discover a new place. But a classic remains L’Atelier Etoile de Joël Robuchon, under the Publicis Drugstore, even though the chef himself has unfortunately passed away. At this place, I celebrate important moments in my life with the people who mean the most to me. The ideal mix of nostalgia and gastronomy.’
Never do Paris again:
‘Leaving.’
Standard along as a souvenir:
‘Paris always travels with me, so I don’t buy souvenirs. But if you’re looking for nice gifts from Paris that are not made in China, check out the webshop of bringfrancehome. And as soon as it’s possible again: the store is right next to Place des Vosges. Another absolute recommendation, the store of the Elysée.’
Required reading if you are in Paris:
‘Long live the three i’s: pharmacie, librairie, Monoprix! So always stock up on my regular cosmetic products, a good book, and then enjoy shopping in a large Monoprix (addictively fun: the Bout’Chou children’s clothing).’
Fondest memory of Paris:
‘In Paris, it seems like you’re constantly creating memories, even when you work and live there, so it’s hard to choose. But I had the privilege of doing the last interview with Jacques Chirac before he withdrew from public life. He then invited me for a tête-à-tête. I often think back to that, Jacques and I, chatting in his office full of African art. He even called my mother afterward to congratulate her on her daughter. And I kept thinking: no, my life can’t get any crazier. Until something exciting happened again.’
I miss this when I'm not there:
‘My home. I travel a lot and discover the most beautiful places on this earth. But then I continuously hear myself think: nice, but well, just not Paris, right? Let’s be honest: Paris simply sets the bar very high, haha.’
And finally: why should everyone buy and read your book?
‘There are of course already many books about the Parisienne. I started reading them when I came to the Netherlands more often. I discovered a woman I had never encountered in those twenty years in Paris. I call her the Parisienne from the perfume commercial. Sorry, but she doesn’t exist. The Parisians who do exist, on the other hand, are much more interesting and fun. And they have made my life even more beautiful. How? You can read that in my book full of secrets, tips, interviews, and addresses. Because living like a real Parisienne: that’s possible, wherever you are, even in the Netherlands. Just look at me.’
Photography: Anna Vie
