Does your girlfriend lose a loved one?

Suddenly he was gone. Well, not suddenly, but it did happen quickly. I would have wished him a hundred summers and a thousand glasses of wine and baguettes with brie, but my dear father-in-law left us in his sleep. Although I was sad and not torn apart, given his age and condition, it did sound the starting signal for a period of mourning. Just as a gray blanket was rolled out over us from above, a white net unfolded from below, stretched by friends, loved ones, and complete strangers who had known my father-in-law very well. If something like this happens to a friend of yours, I will tell you what made me very happy.

1. Cards, cards, cards
Of course, WhatsApp messages are sweet too, but a card... Someone really put thought into that. Even if it's your neighbor, buy a card, write something nice on it, and drop it in the mailbox. She will appreciate it so much. I collected all the cards and letters and put them in a nice box. This way, we can read them again from time to time when we need to.

2. Letters from a stranger
My beloved really wanted an advertisement in all the newspapers (except De Telegraaf because that was not exactly my erudite father-in-law's cup of tea). I am grateful to him for that because it brought in beautiful letters. Letters with stories we didn't know, from people whose existence we didn't know. They strung beads on the necklace of life that we knew a large part of, but also a very large part we didn't. Photos from back then, stories from the past. Wonderful. So write a letter too if you don't know the bereaved, they will cherish the memories.

3. Flowers
‘I think I should say my condolences.’ My favorite florist (Jasmijn in Haarlem) looks a bit flustered when he delivers three bouquets at once. Our living room became a sea of flowers. From the Amayzine girls, from friends in the neighborhood, from my husband's company (real TV producers deliver the flowers with a vase, wonderfully practical) and so on. Intensely sweet.

4. Wreath at the coffin
Because at a certain point you have filled all the vases, a very nice gesture is also to order a wreath for the coffin. I was proud to see so many white roses lying there. And grateful for that too.

5. Being there
Due to corona, we had a very private service. But also because of corona, some older friends hesitated to come, which we completely understood. Then suddenly one of my oldest friends was sitting on the benches, I could have cried. Don't think it's exaggerated if you also come to the funeral (especially if it's not during corona times), it is appreciated, really.

6. Send a card to the loved ones
When Kiki's grandmother passed away, I also sent her mother a card. Never met her, but through the stories, it feels like I know her well. And she has lost her mother, which is quite something.

7. Granting rest
My friends from the neighborhood sometimes saw us sitting on the bench in front of our house. I didn't even have to say that we wanted to be together for a while. They understood that without words. And that's why I love them so much.