We make this mistake too easily in our lives

As if it was last night, it still feels that way sometimes. I was walking with just one drink in me (because I was a consciously sober driver) through the streets of Amsterdam in a relatively new company for me, at a traffic light I awkwardly stepped off the curb and went down in a primed state. Damn...

I should have done this differently, that's awkward, this is stupid, that is clumsy. If I'm skilled at anything, it's being hard on myself. In my mind, I can still feel a stupid action from five years (!) ago as if it just happened. While the other person has long forgotten it.

Intense emotions stick with you the most. It's not surprising that feelings of shame and insecurity or fear nestle firmly in your memory and you can easily relive them. But ask the expert and they will immediately say that it's one of the things that stands in the way of success. The advice? We need to stop being so hard on ourselves. No one liked that strict teacher in high school, remember? With him or her, you always skipped class, so you should actually just do that now.

Easier said than done, because self-criticism is a pain in the ass, how do you let that go? Simple: treat yourself as you would treat others. Would you do all that nitpicking and whining about a small mistake or clumsiness to your best friend? No, of course not, you forgive her in a nanosecond if you even held it against her at all, which probably isn't even the case.

It doesn't matter if you wait a day to vacuum or leave the dishes, it's fine if you order food again this week, it's okay if you forget to call back and that awkward statement at that meeting yesterday, your colleague has already forgotten that. You take it to heart because you are the center of your existence, which makes you automatically think that people have all sorts of opinions about you. That's not the case, and if it were, that passerby in your life really has too little to do in his/her own life.

Criticizing yourself makes you insecure, which leads to a downward spiral. Forgive yourself a little more often and imagine what you would say to your best friend. Is she overtired? “Take a day off.” Made a blunder at work? “They've already forgotten, come on.” Didn't go to boxing? “Next week is another chance.” Ate a tub of ice cream while watching Modern Family? “That’s fine.”

It's the trick to learn to be less hard on yourself, which leads to less insecurity, which leads to a more relaxed life. And how nice is that?