You have been drunk an average of 4,004 times in your life

Once, yes once, the bartender knew my first and last name and would already have my favorite drink on the bar when I walked in: vodka with apple juice.

Meanwhile, I am old, worn out, a mother, tired, and I don't even crave apple juice anymore, let alone vodka. Still, I sometimes reminisce with my girlfriends about those days gone by in the city. About those times in the local pub. Not that we never go out anymore, but still. After two wines and an espresso martini, you can sweep me up these days. In my younger years, I was out three or four times a week. And I was drunk. Now much less. That got me thinking... How often are we as people drunk on average in our entire lives? How often do we have to deal with that oh so lovely hangover?

The calculation. Here it comes. Research shows that under 20 years old, you tend to go out quite a lot. Let's say: from your 17th, twice a week, for three years. That adds up to 312 nights out. From your 20s to your 22nd, you might go out even more, because you're a student, have all the time, live on your own, have no obligations, and want to score a date in that oh so trendy club. Plus, you have plenty of girlfriends who host dinners, organize house parties, and drag you along to celebrate Carnival in the south of the country, even if you might not be from there. So: three times a week an alcoholic treat is an average. That puts you at 468 times being tipsy, plus the 312 from the previous years: 780 times drunk. And then some quieter years come along. Or well, sometimes you take it a bit easier, sometimes not. One-fifth of people in this age group go out weekly. But most certainly go to a club or pub at least once a month. And then you have those dinners and birthdays. Let's say that until you're 30, you hang out with a glass of wine 1.5 times a week. That's from your 22nd to your 30th another 624 times. Added up, by the time you're 30, you've been drunk 1,404 times.

After that, for convenience, let's calculate like this: you drink once a week wine, beer, or a cocktail. Sometimes a bit more, sometimes a bit less. Some have more thirst, others a bit less. So it's an average estimate – don't hold me to this. Everyone has a dry February or a party week: drinks come and go. The life expectancy for women in the Netherlands is 83 years and for men, it's 80 years. And yes, even in those last years, you might enjoy a gin or a glass of sherry while playing bridge, right? From your 30s to your 80s, you drink once a week for 50 years, which adds up to 2,600 times with the booze.

And, drumroll... Here is the answer to today's burning question: how often are you drunk in your whole life? Well, our estimate is that it could be about 4,004 times. Exceptions aside, of course. But you might almost get thirsty from it. Maybe I should just go get that pack of apple juice.

Friends are laughing and drinking wine at a table.