Communication mistakes that almost all of us make and that others find super annoying

Welcome to the club of people who make mistakes in their communication. Woohoo! Fortunately, we are not alone and this group is large. Some communication mistakes we make without even realizing it, and therefore we keep making them, both privately and in the workplace. There’s a good chance that you also unconsciously make these mistakes.

Coming up with a solution immediately instead of listening to someone's problem
Oh, I often run into this wall. Wanting to be in action mode immediately. Often fueled by a bit of ego because how cool is it if YOU are the one who ‘helps’ the other and immediately lists all possible situations. The paradox is: often you don’t help at all. Often the other just wants to be seen for a moment. A ‘hey, I hear you. I understand that this situation is not pleasant.’ If you don’t do this in your conversations, you can unconsciously create tension in another.

Not having patience
Impatience is often a strongly present emotion that others quickly sense. Who doesn’t know a colleague who can hardly muster the patience to listen to you or a manager who is unaware of his hurried way of leading? It can paralyze colleagues, cause them stress, or make them feel rushed, leading to decreased performance.

Filling in how another thinks
Do you want to venture into dangerous territory? Then we refer you to the Land of Assumptions & Interruptions. Wow, what slaughter takes place here. You don’t know how another thinks. Try not to fill every story with your opinions, experiences, and insights. Don’t. Complete. The. Other. Person’s. Sentences. There. Is. No. Rush. If you know this is a challenge, then this article: crash course in learning to listen might be interesting for you.

Lack of empathy
Here, great frustrations often occur. The feeling that the other only looks at the situation through their own lens and cannot empathize with you. Even in a business conversation, you are not only dealing with the factual content; emotions also play a role. Conversation partners can sometimes be sad, irritated, angry, happy, or feel powerless. Use your empathy and try to put yourself in the situation and viewpoints of the other, and you will see: the conversation will immediately become more relaxed and effective.

Do you often have arguments and noise? Check if you unconsciously make the following mistakes in communication…

• Blaming others
• Bringing up old cows from the ditch
• Talking from a third party
• Talking from the past tense
• Magnifying issues
• Filling in things for the other
• Black-and-white thinking
• Turning things around

But fortunately: you can learn to communicate! The do’s: 

• Speak from yourself
• Only give feedback on the behavior you find disturbing instead of attacking someone personally
• Take someone seriously, even if you don’t share their opinion
• Set boundaries in the conversation. This way, you immediately demand the respect you deserve.
• In the workplace: communicate clearly about what you can and cannot do and when. By communicating assertively, people know what to expect from you. Good luck!

Image: @atelier.mabel