Therapists say: ‘people are unjustly ashamed of this’

Nothing wrong with a visit to the psychologist. In fact, I believe that almost everyone benefits from it. Fortunately, that taboo is starting to fade a bit. But once you're there, do you dare to be completely honest? On Reddit, therapists and psychologists can anonymously share their stories and answer the question: ‘What is something people tell you that they are ashamed of but is actually normal?’ The answers are actually quite refreshing.

1. ‘Intrusive thoughts. People often say they have very unpleasant and sometimes violent intrusive thoughts. This is actually much more common than people often think. And it doesn't mean that you are violent or disturbed.’

2. ‘Mixed or even positive feelings when a loved one dies after a long illness. Especially if it is someone who suffered for a long time, was very ill, and in a lot of pain, or an older family member with dementia. Often there is a feeling of relief or a thought of ‘thank goodness that is over’. That is perfectly normal and absolutely does not mean that you didn't love that person.’

3. ‘Their history with trauma. Being in conflict with yourself about this, for example, loving the person who abused you or not hating all aspects of the abuse.’

4. ‘I have had patients who detailed their impostor syndrome (the idea that you are not really good at what you do and could be found out at any moment), who are genuinely surprised when I say that everyone, including myself, has experienced that.’

5. ‘That they don't know what they really enjoy doing. Often they have people in their lives who say: ‘Go do something fun today’. Many people I meet in my work don't know what those things are.’

6. ‘That they regret having had children or did not feel a bond with their child from birth. This happens much more often than people seem to think, but that topic is still extremely taboo and is not often talked about.’

7. ‘Improving their life while the people around them are still not doing well. People quickly feel guilty or ashamed when they make positive changes, but see that their friends and family are not doing the same.’

8. ‘Feeling alone and not having many friends. Social media gives us a distorted perception of this: you see that many people have a lot of friends and are constantly doing fun things. That is not real life: everyone feels lonely sometimes.’

9. ‘Not sleeping in the same bed as their partner. So many couples think that means their relationship is not good. I often have to explain that it may not be ‘normal’ in the sense that the majority does it that way, but that it is still very normal and becoming more so. It is perfectly fine to have your own bed.’