Real life: “Suddenly I fell in love with my best friend”

Sammy (20) comes from a village near Zwolle. For her studies, she moved to Amsterdam. Through friends, she ended up in a house with two housemates, and especially with Noa (23), she immediately felt a connection.

“That I wanted to study in a big city was already a given for me. Amsterdam was my number one, but I did have my doubts because everyone said it was so difficult to find a nice room, and also incredibly expensive. I decided to take the plunge anyway, and if necessary, I would travel back and forth until then. Fortunately, that wasn't necessary; through a friend, I got in touch with Noa, who was looking for a roommate for her apartment in Amsterdam-West. At the roommate evening, I immediately felt a connection with Noa and the other roommate Sanne, and of course, I hoped I would be the one. The next morning, I was already called: I was their first choice.

From day one, it was really so cozy in the house. I felt really happy, and especially when the lockdown came and we were at home together, I was really glad that it was always so pleasant. We actually never had irritations, and since Noa and I were both still studying, we had plenty of time to binge-watch Netflix and hang out.

Sanne always called us Jut and Jul. She was already working full-time and had a lot less free time and always went to bed earlier in the evening. Noa and I binge-watched series together and often fell asleep in her or my bed after another night of watching series. Often with lots of drinks and snacks and conversations deep into the night.

That changed when Noa, out of pure boredom she said, started swiping on Tinder. She had a few dates that were all unsuccessful until she met Mick. From the beginning, I was quite jealous, and I told her that. But I attributed it to the fact that I would lose my Netflix buddy if she got a boyfriend. We both had to laugh about it, and Noa genuinely understood what I meant. If she got a serious fling or boyfriend, it would mean the end of our joint evenings and nights. And I had gotten so used to that.

And yes, my nightmare came true: it got serious with Mick. She has been with him for about three months now, and I am really sick of it. Literally; in the first weeks, I could hardly swallow a bite and felt so sad. ‘This is not normal,’ I said to myself. Am I really so upset that I now have to binge-watch Netflix alone? That we no longer have sleepovers? Out of a kind of desperation, I also started swiping on Tinder, but it didn't do anything for me. I wasn't interested.

After a month, it became increasingly clear to me that this longing was not just for a friend, but that it was something entirely different. I didn't miss company; I missed her. I missed her sleeping in my bed, and I missed our conversations. I missed it so much that I couldn't eat. Only then did I realize: I was in love.

I have never had feelings for a woman before, and to be honest, I don't know what to do with it. Noa is still completely in the infatuation phase and wants to be with Mick as much as possible. I don't always manage to be really nice to him, and I notice that Noa finds that annoying. She has said more than once that I shouldn't be so jealous and that she and I are still just as good friends as before, but that how we spent our weeks couldn't continue like that.

I am so troubled by it that I am thinking about looking for another house. I am constantly confronted with the fact that Noa is not there, and when she is, Mick is also there. In the last month, I may have seen her alone three times. Eating together wasn't an option then, let alone spending real time together. But just the idea of moving makes me nauseous. I want to get rid of this infatuation, but I don't know how.”

In this unusual time, we asked people to share their stories. To avoid hurting others, the names have been fictionalized.