Bachelor Babble: Episode 2

The first episode is behind us and I'm so glad that the second one was already up two days later, because the first one was a bit of a snoozefest at times. Logical too: there are sixteen girls who have to waddle down that red carpet and that’s just not always that exciting. But now we get the first cocktail party and then you know: shit is on. Plus the first rose ceremony. Can’t waittttt. LET’S GO.

1. Okay, but now we’re off. In the previous episode, we mainly watched to see who got the rose, and we didn’t even get to see that. Now it has really begun.

2. Yo, Videoland, can we please stop with those cliffhangers? Every. Episode. Again. As if they’re afraid we won’t come back next week. Well, that fear is unnecessary, you know. I’m speaking for myself here, but as if I have something better to do?

3. Wait, whut? Maureen? Not the J.Lo dress? This season is really full of surprises.

4. YAAAS. The cocktail party. These girls are going for it, we saw that in the previous episode. Cunningly watching how the others did it (and enjoying it when it went badly). This is going to be a battlefield. Like hyenas on their prey.

5. I have the feeling that Rick and Thomas just need to have a good drink together and then with the ladies. That would be a good episode.

6. Idea: more dates and fewer minutes of the ladies’ introductions? As viewers, we really can’t remember what all nineteen of their hobbies and/or jobs are, and does it really matter to us? We want to see dates. Sparks. TONGUES.

7. ‘I’m really curious why he’s participating in the show.’ Our thoughts, all: money. His motivation is probably money.

8. It’s not romantic, but Tony Junior and Gaby Blaaser both already spilled the beans about their amounts, right? They’re not small, you know. Love is absolutely for sale in this case.

9. Wow, this is a flying start. That Lysette isn’t wasting any time. Did the poor guy even get a sip?

10. I’m getting serious Finding Nemo vibes from this cocktail party. Mine. Mine. MINE. MINE. MINE.

11. I’m seriously feeling a bit of vicarious stress from this. A line is forming now. That poor Thomas just wants to have a quiet drink.

12. Geez, girls, they’re really egging each other on. After this episode, I don’t think I can hear the word ‘moment’ anymore.

13. HAHA. Sorry, but photoshopping yourself into a photo of The Bachelor: I don’t know. Now I think I also have the romance of a steel door, but this is intense, right?

14. Although I can’t deny that I’ve wanted to do this with a photo of Harry Styles too. Leo DiCaprio. Pete Davidson (let me, I find him sexy). I’m just as bad.

15. ‘Yeah, but she’s out like that. Isn’t she Romy, with that fake Chanel glasses?’ Sooo, the knives are sharpened. Battlefield. Hyenas. Chill.

16. I think it would be hilarious if Thomas suddenly uses the concept ‘who asks, gets skipped’.

17. Sooo, several girls are going out right away. Again: battlefield. Thomas isn’t beating around the bush.

18. Karin, the photoshopped one, gets a rose. I’m going to work on those photos for my celeb crushes. This approach just works.

19. But I also see all the girls who didn’t take their ‘moment’ still getting a rose. Conclusion: throw that photo their way and don’t say a word. That works. Even better: just email them. Fax. Snail mail. Perfect pick-up trick.

20. Romy gets a rose. All those girls, thinking silently: her again with that damn fake Chanel glasses. So undeserved.

21. Come on with that cliffhanger that’s obviously going to come. Please let there be some kissing next week.

22. Ehh, no, this was not a cliffhanger. The only thing we know for sure is that Romy is going to be the bad guy of this season; she can’t escape that with scenes like this.

Image: Jasper Suyk