BACHELOR BABBELS

Guys, I'm sorry. Mea culpa. I'm way too late with this recap, but I have a good excuse, seriously. I'm bummed about it too, but this girl was in Jamaica last week and it was just as nice as it sounds, but guess what: Videoland doesn't work at all in Jamaica. I know, bizarre.

So I'm messing around with VPNs, that didn't work out at all and long story short: I arrived back in the Netherlands last night including jet lag and literally the first thing I did was watch the Bachelor. HAHA. Addicted? A bit. Maybe. But hey, it was quite the episode, you know. A bit late, but still: let’s gooohoo.

1. Yesss, I wanted to see this episode mainly because there's another kiss coming. A very awkward one with Maureen, by the looks of it. CAN'T WAIT.

2. Anna Noëlle: ‘I might use him on a group date if we’re going to do something really cool.’ *Date is any random activity* Anna Noëlle: ‘Yuppp, I’m using that Wild Rose.’ Well, am I the only one who is really not impressed by snorkeling? Besides that I find it a medium activity, you can't talk to each other AND you look like a crazy frog with that mask on.

3. #durftevragen: did Thomas get a haircut there in Mexico? Lookin’ so fresh and so clean during the snorkeling date.

4. ‘That shows that Anna Noëlle couldn't wait to go on a date with me.’ Neuh-euh. The girl wants to snorkel.

5. Thomas: ‘There are of course a lot of ladies who say: give me a five-star hotel.’ Uh, yeah, but you won't hear them say that to you since they really know what you're into by now. A pretty transparent tactic.

6. Meeeine gute, a Mezcal tasting really guarantees a hundred percent that you get completely wasted.

7. I think Anna Noëlle and Thomas should just become really good buddies and go to festivals together. I see a really nice friendship blossoming here.

8. Okay, I really like Inge. A lot of those girls talk a bit in Thomas's lane, but she doesn't seem to care much. And then he shuts down when she asks about the ‘simpler things.’ And roses that are ‘standard.’ Love it.

9. Just a little gossip in between: can someone tell me if it's really true that Maureen secretly had a lover at home? Yes, I also follow the juice channels and want to know what's going on here. Who has the tea for me?

10. Whenever people talk about an age difference, like Maureen being ‘too young’ for Thomas, I think of the song ‘Te jong’ by Nick & Simon and I really think there's not enough discussion about that. What did they think about this song?

11. NOOO. Haha, that Thomas is just striking out in his own show. It wasn't a strong pickup attempt, but I don't think he saw her getting so freaked out coming, I believe.

12. +1 for Thomas's plea. Make visits to psychologists discussable. In fact: I think everyone would benefit from it.

13. After half an hour, the kiss finally comes and it is indeed just as disappointing as in the previews. The most sexless kiss in the history of The Bachelor.

14. Good job, Indigo. Just leave it if he shows no interest. Besides, I think you're already having a great time in the DMs with Rijk Hofman, so I would go for that. Excellent choice.

15. Anna Noëlle immediately thinks ‘let’s gooo’ when dancing, hoping there’s still a Wild Rose to pick somewhere.

16. I understand why Thomas dances so loosely when he has to go straight to a beach party with champagne after a Mezcal tasting. Also nice, such a red medium-burned or rather red-faced-from-drinking look. Hard work, dating a dozen girls at once.

17. Maureen: ‘I always say: you’d better regret the things you did than the things you didn’t do.’ Apparently, she says that, and so do millions of others who have also seen the homepage of a random standard Pinterest account with supposedly original tile wisdoms.

18. I find it so hilarious every time Thomas does his whole ‘but enough about me, what do you think of me?’ act, with today: ‘But if you had a relationship with me in the Netherlands, what would you do with me?’

19. Oh shit. Sorry Anna Noëlle, I actually thought the same thing. Except I don't think you're going home. No war. I'm waving a white flag here.

20. If you see how Indigo looks when she hears her name, I would almost think she would just reject that rose.

21. Okay, let’s go with that preview. This episode was fun, fine, a passing grade, enough cute and sweet moments, but come on: we want a bit more tension and excitement.

22. This looks better. More flirting. Everyone has to tell something. There's talk of ending things. What’s going to happen here? We're only at episode 8 next week, Thomas, you really need to keep going. Don't stop now. Don't mention Merel's name and say the rest can go home (because yes, she’s just going to win in the end, we can see that too).

23. The only upside of watching the episode so late: the day after tomorrow there’s already a new one. Can’t wait.