Dating after corona: I'm scared to do it again

Don't get me wrong; I am really very happy that the world has opened up a bit again. That the hospitality industry is open again. Hello, I was just in a club last week. Dancing. With people. I could complain about sweaty people standing too close to me, that it took too long at the bar, the crowd at the lockers: meine gute, how I missed that. Quite bizarre that (at least for me personally) it also gets used to it so quickly again.

There is only one thing I liked about corona: my single status and the complete peace and quiet of not wanting to change that. The first year of corona was not entirely ideal for me: a situation of a completely broken heart and no longer believing in love. And honestly, such a lockdown was often really great for that. Especially when things slowly started to get better (I found out that I absolutely cannot deal with broken hearts and apparently I recover from it like a snail? Tips are welcome.) it actually came in really handy that we couldn't go hunting in the pub, club or at a festival, because I really didn't feel like it at all.

Now I must also admit: I am really a terrible dater. And by that, I mean that I just don't go. I am the Queen of Cancellations. Then I think in a moment of impulse: I just have to do this and I consistently cancel at the last minute. Also quite antisocial and I know that, but I just find it really scary.

When the lockdowns were still happening, there was no one who motivated me or told me that I really had to throw myself back into the dating pool. That I shouldn't just say ‘yes’ to that dinner, but actually had to go. Because you couldn't go on a real date (walking aside), so that wasn't really asked for either. My surroundings have long known that I stay far away from all dating apps, so they also knew: she really won't meet anyone exciting. A nice side effect was that this sometimes came with pity towards me, in the sense of: ‘For singles, this lockdown is really killing, right?’ Then I could occasionally complain unabashedly about what I didn't like as a single living alone in Amsterdam (who mainly complained about her broken heart and had an aversion to love).

But now it's completely different. The lockdown is over, corona is coming to an end and with that I feel the pressure to finally leave that broken heart behind me once and for all. I'm already getting the questions thrown at me: ‘Don't you want to meet someone again?’, ‘Finally, you can meet a nice guy again while going out!’ and: ‘Come on Wiek, you really have to start dating again, the nice weather is really coming back.’ Yes, for some reason the concept of ‘dating’ often becomes a more popular thing as the sun shows itself more and I can actually relate to that.

But honestly: I sometimes miss that cocooning too. It's so nice and safe. And you had a perfectly good excuse for the fact that you were mainly hanging out in your cave: there was a pandemic going on, everything was closed. And now we singles have to throw ourselves back into that market, but have I not lost it long ago? Can I still talk to people I don't know? Be charming? Actually go on a date (I couldn't do that even before the pandemic, let alone after). I find it DEADLY SCARY.