When a loved one passes away
Suddenly it was there, the message I hadn't seen coming. Hairdryer in my left hand, a handful of sunscreen to apply on a child's face in the other, and my phone conveniently in front of my nose. Our dear friend was no more. I had heard that things were not going well. Not well at all, in fact. But this. So suddenly. ‘Are you okay, mom?’ The middle girl grabs my phone to see what made me freeze like a statue. ‘Oh, mom.’
When a loved one passes away who is not your best friend but is still one of your favorite people, you go through many phases.
– You need to sit down and literally grab hold of something that is sturdy.
The bed, the floor. And now just breathe for a moment.
– You want to inform your partner
Sharing together. I can't reach him. Oh right, he had a massage. Every time I look at the clock, I think: he doesn't know yet. He is still far away from this sad news.
– Reading messages, looking at photos
Everything that reminds you of your contact when he was still around you want to take in. Our last message was on his birthday, which for some reason I always remembered. I texted at 7:01 AM, he replied with: ‘How sweet, thank you’ at 7:31 AM. And that was it. I go through our contact. He tips me about a clothing brand, we text about Máxima, whether she also wore a dress from that brand. He looked it up and yes, it's true. On Instagram, he tipped a little place in Puglia where Anna Dello Russo always went. I still remember wondering how he always knew the best and coolest places everywhere.
– You want to send your love to his loved ones
I don't have everyone's numbers, but sending hearts on Instagram and sending love is nice.
– Reaching out to other friends
I see the shock in others' reactions and text them.
– Getting startled when you receive a message from him
His loved ones invite me for a gathering. It feels strange, but it's still nice to text this number.
– You look at his profile picture
And are once again in complete wonder about how life can be without him.
Image: @inetackenphotography
