Not choosing is losing, but is that really true?

Quitting your job, selling your house, or whether or not to hang your spiral in the highest tree; life is made up of big but also small choices, because will you roll onto the terrace or go exercise? With a ‘yes’ to one, you automatically say ‘no’ to the other. But how do you make that choice a bit decently? Kelly Weekers wrote the book ‘The Power of Choice’ to help us out.

By the way, I could use that help, because I'm about to sell my house. The bathroom is getting a little spruced up, the garden is getting a new bamboo jacket, and the outside is getting a paint job. With every coat of paint, it gets prettier, and then suddenly it grips me by the throat. Am I making the right choice? Kelly Weekers: ‘What are you afraid of? What is coming at you? What is the reason behind that? Is the fear realistic or is it a justified gut feeling because you prefer to stay where you are? If you ask yourself that often enough in a row, you will gain insight into the answer. What do I want? Why do I feel what I feel and why do I do what I do?’

Not choosing is losing, you often hear people say. But is that really so? ‘I don't see it as losing, not choosing is accepting. You always make a choice. Do you choose to take control and determine the course, or do you choose not to choose and go for how it is?’ Kelly explains. She is clear in her motivation to help people make choices. ‘If something is structurally in the way and someone doesn't feel good about it, then it's wise to change something. But sometimes life is just not optimal. You don't always have to live your best life and peak. Stress is part of it, sometimes you don't get energy from your work. It helps to reflect: does something feel continuously heavy and does it always cost me energy? Then you want to tackle it. But sometimes it's just about rolling up your sleeves and letting something blow over.’

But what if you imagine that you only make wrong choices? I shouldn't have left my beloved or should have bought that house when I could. ‘My book is full of wrong choices. Every day you make decisions that in hindsight weren't so smart. Only those mistakes taught me what I do and don't want. Give yourself the space to fall flat on your face, because otherwise you won't get anywhere. Choices can never really be wrong, because they provide space to reflect. Why wasn't this so smart and what would I do differently? It's just a lesson. I've made many mistakes and because of that, I now know so well what I want,’ Kelly shares.

Making mistakes is actually good for you, because you learn along the way what works and what doesn't. But what if you become short of breath because a choice is so scary? Kelly immediately deals with that fear: ‘Only a choice that could kill you is unwise, because you can't undo that. Of course, you want to think through very big choices, map out the pros and cons, and then decide. Breaking up, moving, a different job? I'm very practical about that. I'm not lazy, so I'll get another job. If love doesn't work, that's very sad, but you'll find happiness somewhere else. If I emigrate to the other side of the world and it doesn't work out, I'll come back. Dying is permanent, so don't do anything crazy. The rest is always a calculated risk. Sometimes it works out well and sometimes it doesn't, but then you take another route.’

But how do we make a good choice in practice? Kelly emphasizes that you first need to realize that you always have a choice, even if it's not always clear what comes your way. With that mindset, you see many more options. Kelly: ‘The perfect choice is different for everyone. I always stay close to myself. What do I want and thus not: what will my environment approve of? If you ask yourself a few times in a row what you want and why, you will notice whether you are doing something for yourself or to please other people. Once you start to see that pattern, it becomes easier to steer your choices accordingly. First comes awareness, and then you can change it, because you can't change what you don't see. In my book, I share those insights.’

Do you want to dive even deeper into your choices? Then order here the new book by Kelly Weekers: ‘The Power of Choice’.