Wiekes weetjes: 10 children's books you wouldn't think are real

Once, before my Reddit addiction, I was non-stop on the website Cracked.com. Seriously, this site was fantastic. Unfortunately, the funniest and most entertaining writers have left for years now, and I haven't looked at it in months, but back in the day, I could really laugh out loud at their articles. Definitely a recommendation to check out that site when you have nothing to do and, like me, love the weirdest fun facts.

They have mentioned a few children's books that I (and they at the time) can't imagine would actually entertain kids. In fact, they seem quite traumatizing to me. My goodness. Check out the books below... And yes: they really do exist.

1. Latawnya, The Naughty Horse, Learns to Say ‘No’ to Drugs
Well, the title says it all, and that's actually what the story is about. For us, it's quite hilarious because there are many images of horses getting into alcohol and completely losing their way. But Latawnya shouldn't let that happen, so she hears from her parents that drugs are bad. Don't start with that. At the end, a horse almost gets an overdose, and then the fun is complete. Want to buy it? You can still do that on Amazon. By the way, a second part has also been released.

2. I Wish Daddy Didn’t Drink So Much
Eh well, this title speaks for itself... The book is indeed about a child whose father has an alcohol problem. In that sense, it might be a kind of self-help book for children in such a situation, but still quite heavy. In what kind of situations would you give this as a gift? I don't think that father would find it very relaxing. But hey, if you want to give it as a gift: this book is also for sale on Amazon.

3. Monsters Eat Whiny Children
Here you can definitely scare your kids well. The story is about Henry and Eve, two Kaa Uu Tee children who constantly complain about literally everything in their lives. They are warned by their father that if they keep this up, they will be eaten by a monster. But they continue and thus get caught by a monster. Kidnapped, stuffed in a bag, and served as a feast. Spoiler alert: in the end, they — thank goodness — are not actually eaten. Here you can buy it (of course again on Amazon) if you don't want to please someone.

4. Who Cares About Disabled People?
Another cheerful title. And while the whole idea behind it is really good; the message is that we should all really care about disabled children. Only... They take the word ‘disabled’ quite broadly, because according to this book, kids with obesity, kids who sniff paint, alcoholics (uhh, what?) and athletic children also fall under that. Right. But hey, do your thing if you want to buy it, because that is of course still possible.

5. The House That Crack Built
Ah, we're going back to drugs again. Because it's never too early to warn your kids about that, right? This book is a kind of parody of ‘The House That Jack Built’, but then the horror version of it, so to speak. Here they describe how coke is made in the Colombian fields and how it ends up with homeless crack addicts. You know, just your standard bedtime story for your kids. To make it even better: there are FOUR parts of it. You can buy them again on Amazon.

6. Sometimes My Mommy Gets Angry
This falls a bit into the same category as the book for the poor child with the father with the alcohol problem. The poor girl Annie plays the lead role here, and her single mother doesn't have it all together. Fortunately, there is her grandmother who calls her to reassure her, but she also doesn't find it important enough to actually intervene. What was this author thinking? Give it to someone who has done something nasty to you, you can order it here.

7. Alfie’s Home
I probably should have put this at number one, because this is perhaps the most depressing book that exists for children. Let's drop the ‘perhaps’. You wouldn't even want your worst enemy to read this. Alfie, a little boy, is sexually abused by his uncle while his parents are just angry at each other and ignoring it. ‘Fortunately’, there is a therapist with whom he has one session, and then everything is miraculously fine again; his parents make up with each other and he discovers that he is not attracted to boys because of what his uncle did to him. I have no words for how terrible this book is. It is (rightly) no longer sold, but there are several pages of the book available online. Read at your own risk. But really.

8. All My Friends Are Dead
And don't forget, when you are going to order this, to buy the sequel. It's called — how could it be otherwise — All My Friends Are Still Dead. Mega cozy. Huffington Post described it as: ‘Laugh out loud funny, and a tiny bit disturbing. In other words, perfect.’ Yep, you hear it: a perfect children's book.

9. Who Cares About Elderly People?
Yep, this is indeed written by the same author as number four, and that is a bit concerning. Why would you write such depressing books? Who hurt you, Pam Adams? And why are all these books still available on Amazon? Even the people who bought it didn't know anymore, if I may believe the reviews: ‘I don’t even know what to say about this book.’

10. Mommy Drinks Because You’re Bad
I seriously thought this was a joke... A case of Photoshop. Because this couldn't possibly be intended as a joke, could it? Also, it says above ‘Quality Religious Books for Children’. What is going wrong here, man?! It is written by someone named Justin M. Woodward, it is order here and he gets — not surprisingly — only two out of five stars.

Okay, just a little honorable mention for the next book: Why Is Mommy Moaning? Never too early to teach kids about sex through two bears.

Source: cracked.com