Things you recognize if you've also had festival sex in a tent

Oooh, we can finally go again. Meine gute, how green with jealousy I looked at all the Stories of people who were at Down The Rabbit Hole. I wanted to go to Two Door Cinema Club, Gorillaz, Goldband, Thijs Boontjes, Eefje de Visser, and so many more acts. But well, with Lowlands on the schedule, I don't really have much to complain about. My time will come. In a month and a half to be precise.

And yet every year I dread camping again. So much so that this grandma is just not going to do it this year and is going to claim a spot in a camper with some friends of mine. It used to be different; during my first Lowlands in 2008 (I'm really becoming a grandma: case in point) I was fine with sleeping in such a little tent. We slept three of us in there, happy with an hour or two, three of sleep per night and off we went again.

That was the good old days when we were all still young, single, and carefree. You understand: Lowlands was an extremely suitable weekend for us to find a holiday romance. Because that's how Lowlands feels a bit, like a mini-holiday. Where you come back completely exhausted, that much is true.

Where you often have a hotel room at your disposal on vacation, it's a bit different in those tents. It's so disgusting, and yet we all do it en masse. Ever had sex in a tent during a festival? Then you probably recognize this.

• It. Is. So. HOT.
• When did I last wash this sleeping bag anyway? Was that last year during this festival? Or even before that? Yuck, all that body sweat.
• Yep, my air mattress is leaking. My back hurts.
• Switching to my tent mate's air mattress. She'll probably be fine with it. Ah, at least this bed is well inflated.
• *air flies out due to the bounce on the super hard air mattress*
• Are we really going to keep pretending this whole sex party is actually really nice?
• I. Have. It. So. HOT.
• There was really a very long line for the shower this morning. Has this person washed themselves in the past few days?
• Correction: have I washed myself in the past few days?
• Nice, the sound of the festival in the background.
• Ooooh, this is a good song. Nice music anyway. If this finishes quickly, I can catch some of it.
• Because this is not going to work for me, you know. I'm really only doing this for you now.
• YES. It's done. I hope no sleepover is expected, because that single air mattress has now transformed into a yoga mat.
• Yuck, my sleeping bag is completely wet from all this dubious body fluid.
• I feel sorry for my tent mate. This sex STINKS.
• I'm getting nauseous from myself.

Happy sexing!