Why it's perfectly okay to not be where you wanted to be in your thirties
In the time capsule that is the attic room of my parental home, I found a yearbook from my graduation year. I still remember well that we were asked to write down where we thought we would be ten years later. I was 18 at the time, and my prediction for my 28th year was as follows: ‘In ten years, I will have my own daycare. I will live with my boyfriend who has a good job and looks good. Together we have three children and I still live near my family.’ I have since managed to catch that handsome boyfriend, but I quickly discovered after my studies that my relationship with childcare would not be a lifelong marriage. And those children? They are still a long way off.
It's also not so strange that the predictions of my young self have turned out differently. After all, I was only 18 and my dreams have flown in all directions over the years. Very normal for that age, I learned during my studies in pedagogy, but I found it quite frustrating. As a modern young woman, you can go in an endless number of directions, but no one tells you which one is the right one. Growing up can sometimes feel like a roundabout with 26 exits, while you've only had one driving lesson and have no idea how to even navigate a roundabout.
Moreover, there is always an idea of ‘how it should be’ lingering in your mind. As a teenager, I wanted to have children, a house, and a certain amount in my savings account before I turned thirty; in my eyes, everyone approached life that way, so it had to go that way for me too. Around my 25th, panic set in: will I even find love? A job that suits me? Shouldn't I be a bit more concerned about my savings account? The answer to all this is: yes. I would have liked to have a bit more savings, but with that love and that job, everything turned out just fine.
Of course, I secretly envisioned myself as a mother by the time I turned thirty, with a cozy house and a huge garden. But do I mind that it hasn't turned out that way? Absolutely not. The fact is that the more time you spend with yourself, the more you realize how much time you have. I would do anything to shake my 25-year-old self and demand that she takes it easy. That she should just enjoy her life without responsibilities, her dreams that will surely find a way, and her size 36. And most importantly: I want to tell her that there's no need to rush. You don't have to have everything figured out when you hit 30.
According to research, the average age to buy a house has now even risen to 40 years and you can still start having children well into your 40s . Fashion icon Vera Wang made her designer debut at the age of 40, Arianna Huffington launched the Huffington Post at the age of 55 (which she later sold for a modest $315 million), and Christian Dior only started his creations at the age of 41 at the oh-so-delightful fashion house. As far as I'm concerned, this is proof that it's perfectly okay if you're not where you wanted to be by the time you turn thirty. You have all the space to change your mind and occasionally take the wrong exit. What is meant for you will always find its way to you, and it won't suddenly pass you by on the day you turn 30. Really, you have plenty of time.. Turning 30.
