Answer to the most frequently asked questions to a sex therapist
Sex is an important part of most romantic relationships, yet we don't talk about it much. It is, of course, an emotionally charged topic and not always easy to discuss, which can lead to questions and uncertainties piling up. In such cases, it can help to seek assistance from a sex therapist who can help find a way through this and provide strategies to enhance desire and pleasure. Moreover, such a therapist can assist in identifying underlying issues that may contribute to sexual dissatisfaction or lack of sexual fulfillment for both partners. It's great that this form of therapy exists, but let's be honest: that's quite a big step to take. That's why I've compiled the three most frequently asked questions to a sex therapist for you, completely free of charge. Here they are.
How often should you have sex?
Although there have been many studies on the perfect frequency of sex, this remains a topic that couples are curious about. Because how much sex do they have compared to other people, and is that enough? Usually, this question arises because one person has an opinion about how much (or rather: how little) sex they have and seeks validation from a therapist to support that opinion. According to experts, comparing yourself to others is literally the thief of all joy that can diminish self-esteem and confidence. What you should do instead is compare your current sex life with your sex life in the past, not with the sex lives of others. To what extent are you less satisfied now than you were then? What was different back then? This is the most effective way to work towards a solution.
If I don't feel sexual desire for my partner, does that mean I don't love him or her?
Love and sexual desire do not always go hand in hand, and one does not always relate to the other. Just because you are not feeling sexual desire for your partner at the moment does not necessarily mean you should break up, nor does it mean you do not love your partner. However, it is worth exploring where that feeling comes from, as it does indicate that something has changed. There can be various reasons for these changes. It may mean that something has changed in the needs of you or your partner, or that changes in life circumstances, stressors, appearance, or behavior have arisen for one of you. Adjustments may need to be made, so it is very important to investigate where this feeling comes from in order to make it discussable.
How do I build intimacy in my relationship?
True intimacy, described by experts as someone trusting you with your vulnerability and showing this, is of utmost importance for a healthy and satisfying relationship. Physical intimacy, including sex, is an important type of intimacy that can strengthen your relationship. When it comes to questions about intimacy, there are two things to consider: are you spending enough time building intimacy within your relationship, and has something happened within your relationship that makes it difficult to be vulnerable with each other and to trust each other? For couples who have not spent time building intimacy, tantric practices are sometimes recommended to help get things moving. Tantra is an ancient spiritual practice aimed at creating a space for the couple to explore their desires and to remove the goal of sex for a moment. You focus on the journey, not the destination. The result here is not: I must have sex, but: I want to be closer to my partner. Creating a safe, inviting space to experiment with this will often lead to sex, but primarily fosters a stronger sense of intimacy. If there is a breach of trust that makes one partner feel unsafe to be vulnerable, it is important to work that out first before starting such exercises.
Source: Well + Good | Image: Netflix
