Dating Disasters: ‘Never before in the history of online dating has someone looked so little like the person in their photo’

In Dating Disasters, anonymous readers share their most embarrassing, cringeworthy, and dramatic dates. This week: Silent Steven.

I never date. Really never. If dates do happen, it's through mutual friends; nice and safe. One evening I realized that you can wait until the love of your life suddenly stands at your door, but that probably isn't going to happen. Tired of that eternal single life, I picked up my phone and reluctantly installed a dating app.

After a glass or three of wine, I swiped right a few times hoping that others hadn't done the same to me, until suddenly a match appeared: Steven. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw his photos. He looked good and smiled with his eyes, something that immediately caught my attention.

A week later, I nervously waited for him at the station. Just when I thought I had been waiting too long, I saw someone waving. Or was it not at me? Because I didn't recognize this man until he got closer. I recognized his smiling eyes, but absolutely not the rest. I was dumbfounded. Never before in the history of online dating has someone looked so little like their photo. He was much shorter, older, and balder than in his profile. And was he walking a bit crooked?

Too late for an Irish goodbye, I gave him three awkward kisses. Steven seemed to be looking forward to it, but my enthusiasm had sunk into my shoes by now. How was I going to get out of this?

Way too slowly, we (yes, he was walking a bit crooked) walked to the nearest café and I tried to make the best of the situation with the means I had: a lot of alcohol. I had finished my first glass of wine faster than Leonardo DiCaprio switches girlfriends. Then I would just drink until he looked like his photo.

Eventually, the discomfort and the wine started to take effect, because I just kept talking. Small talk. I had to hear myself talk so I wouldn't have to hear myself think. He couldn't get a word in, and I'm sure this also put me on his list of most bizarre dates ever, but come on, there was a complete stranger in front of me who had mega catfished me and was just half-heartedly staring at me. Give me a break.

Just when I had gathered enough courage to ask him why he had used such misleading photos, he suddenly jumped up. The dance floor of the café was already quite filled and he clearly couldn't hold back anymore. Oh my god, I thought. He even dances crooked. He waved for me to come, but I was frozen.

There I was, sitting alone at a table, while my date, whom I hoped no one thought was my date, was devouring the dance floor in his own unique way: ‘80s moves and all. A little later, he came to sit next to me, sweaty, and when he started a conversation that you could also have with the postman, I decided to ask what time his train was. No matter what happened, this was not going to be an ’oops, I missed my train but you live nearby, right?‘ scenario. No, this man was definitely going home.

We settled the bill and I took him to the station, suddenly all the wines sank into my legs and I was the one walking crooked. I know: I made a complete fool of myself with my excessive drinking, but sometimes it's just your only solution, okay?

We never saw each other again and I had completely sworn off dating until I received a message from Maarten. I already knew him, so I knew he looked like the person in his photos. He also smiled sweetly with his eyes and walked, as far as I could remember, straight. We had crossed paths a few times, but never at the right moment. Until now. We decided to meet and since then we have been the most disgustingly happy couple ever.

So: let this story be the light at the end of the dark tunnel called ‘dating’. Maybe you have to endure a few dates with a Steven, but a Maarten might be closer than you think.

Would you like to share your Dating Disasters with us too? Nice! Send an email to info@amayzine.com and you might read your story here soon.