Busy dating? Watch out for future faking
How wonderful is it to be in love? That feeling of getting to know someone and already getting butterflies at the sight of his or her name on your screen is truly indescribable. It's not surprising that at that moment you want to ensure that this feeling lasts forever. That you fantasize about what your mornings will look like, who will make the coffee, and who will mess up the pancakes during every free moment. Or, in extreme cases, that you daydream about what your wedding will look like. Completely normal, as long as you keep it to yourself. If the person you are dating immediately comes out openly about the fact that he or she sees your future together completely while you've only been on three dates, then you might be dealing with a future faker.
Future faking
Future faking can be a harmful manipulation technique to make the other person feel that you come across as much more committed than you actually are. Someone is literally faking your future by making plans that will not come to fruition because that person never intended to realize them in the first place.
The goal of future faking
‘A future faker can talk about long-term commitments, future vacations, or even marriage and children early in a relationship,’ says clinical psychologist Lauren Kerwin. However, this emotional intensity is not the same as real emotional depth, so if you notice it, it can be a sign that something is not quite healthy about your partner's behavior. This builds a relationship based on nothing, as he or she is only telling you what you want to hear without standing behind his or her statements.
Why it is so toxic
This manipulative behavior thus involves deliberately lying about the future to gain immediate benefits, such as sex or the feeling of a commitment, which is of course extremely calculating. It can be part of a larger plan to attract someone and put them in a vulnerable position by creating a loving bond that does not exist. This places one person's needs above the other's, which does not reflect a fair partnership. It can also be used to create emotional dependency and evade responsibility for broken promises, such as regularly canceling plans and then over-promising to make things right.
What can you do about it
If you suspect that someone in a relationship is making future plans without the intention of following through, it is important to communicate openly and set your own boundaries. If the person is not willing to show honesty and respect, consider whether this relationship is truly right for you. Remember that you have the right to a fair and sincere relationship in which both of you are equally excited about the future.
Source: Well and Good
