Dating

This dating trend is the reason you haven't found 'the one' yet

By Sophie Rietmulder | #!30Tue, 12 Sep 2023 09:30:45 +0200+02:004530#30Tue, 12 Sep 2023 09:30:45 +0200+02:00-9Europe/Amsterdam3030Europe/Amsterdam202330 12am30am-30Tue, 12 Sep 2023 09:30:45 +0200+02:009Europe/Amsterdam3030Europe/Amsterdam2023302023Tue, 12 Sep 2023 09:30:45 +0200309309amTuesday=9#!30Tue, 12 Sep 2023 09:30:45 +0200+02:00Europe/Amsterdam9#09-12-2023#!30Tue, 12 Sep 2023 09:30:45 +0200+02:004530#/30Tue, 12 Sep 2023 09:30:45 +0200+02:00-9Europe/Amsterdam3030Europe/Amsterdam202330#!30Tue, 12 Sep 2023 09:30:45 +0200+02:00Europe/Amsterdam9#

‘I’ve been dating since I was fifteen, I’m exhausted, where is he?!’ shouted Charlotte York in the third season of Sex and the City. A feeling we all know too well. You can have everything in order: a good job, a nice house, a rich social life, but love can sometimes take forever to arrive. Time and again, you throw yourself into yet another situationship, of which you already know that one of you will walk away without success. Annoying, but did you know that it might be your own fault? The chances are high that you are seriously groundhogging.

‘Groundhogging is a trend where people repeatedly date the same type of person while expecting different results,’ says relationship coach and dating expert Susan Trotter. Every time a relationship ends for whatever reason, the person will step into the same type of arrangement with another, similar person who will most likely lead to nothing time and again. The result? You remain stuck in an endless cycle of bad dates and the same emotionally unavailable types while you really want more.

How do you know that you are groundhogging?

You feel that all your recent relationships have ended in the same way
You are very picky about who you go out with, but have little success
Or you are not picky at all about who you go out with, but keep bringing home the same types
All your previous partners seem very similar to each other
You throw yourself into relationship after relationship with your usual type

How do you break this pattern?
To escape the pattern of repeatedly dating the same type of people, self-awareness is the first step. You need to acknowledge that change is necessary in your dating behavior if you ever want to escape this. It is also important to evaluate your relationship history and notice the patterns in your dating life. Ask yourself why you often choose emotionally unavailable partners and think about why these people attract you so much.

When dating, it is important to be both selective and flexible. This can be difficult, but block your tendency to go for your usual types and challenge yourself to move in a different direction. This doesn’t mean you have to go out with the first and best suitor, but it does mean you might want to consider someone who actually replies to you within a reasonable timeframe. Just a thought.