#FML: ‘My husband doesn't see that my mother-in-law hates me’
‘Twelve years ago, I married David. It was a beautiful day full of love and happiness, except for one thing: his mother showed up in a cream-colored evening gown that looked very much like a wedding dress. I decided to swallow my frustration, as I had always done. It wasn't the first time she made it clear that she would have liked to be the only woman in David's life forever, so I somewhat expected this action.
David comes from a small family. He grew up sheltered in a small village with his parents and younger brother. When he moved to The Hague for his studies, he met me. We made eye contact in a busy bar, and from that moment on, it was clear: we belonged together. I was very excited when he suggested visiting his parents. How nice is it to see where your great love comes from?
Well, for some people probably very nice, but for me, this was the beginning of an eternal silent and one-sided struggle between his mother and me. Upon entering, I received a limp handshake and she barely looked at me. If I were to believe David's stories, his mother was the most loving and caring woman he knew, but I saw none of that. We were there for two hours, and during that time, I only got a cup of lukewarm, weak tea while nothing was asked about my life. The questions I asked received short and uninterested answers, and the attention was actually only on David.
On the way home, I wanted to bring it up until David said, ‘I told you, she's so sweet!’ Sorry? I thought. Did we just attend the same gathering? From that moment on, it became clear that David would never see his mother the way I saw her. This first meeting was just a fraction of what I have experienced with her over the past years. Every time we see each other, she makes a comment about my appearance, my work (because how dare I work when I could also be a housewife), what we do with our money, and she blames me for not wanting children. A choice that her son supports just as much as I do, but in her eyes, that can't be wrong.
At first, I tried to bring it up with David, but he always seems to have an excuse for her behavior or thinks I'm overreacting. To avoid arguments (because I really don't wish that for her), I bite my tongue and let it happen. He adores her, and that's something that will never change. Still, I notice that it gnaws at me, and I'm afraid that the bomb will eventually burst. Should I keep my mouth shut to maintain the peace or bring up what bothers me at the risk that David will side with his mother and she will get her way? If you ask me, both are worthless options.’
